Sex

[bonnie2055]

Hi just wanted other peoples opinions on this matter so I know I'm not overthinking and to put my mind at ease

Boyfriend and I have been together 5 years I have a very high sex drive and he did too at the start of the relationship would of had sex daily.

2nd year in he has been depressed supported him through it even tho he treated me like crap sex was rare when I asked for it was told not in the mood too tired ect I didn't push him tried to speak to him about it as to why was it mood ect affecting his libido but he doesn't want to talk

3rd things started looking up for him and was still supporting him sex still hasn't came back and even when it does he doesn't last long.

4th year things are the same as the 3rd year

5th year we have sex maybe once a week when I ask for it or in the mood I'm told no but when he's in the mood he gets it there is no compromise
Tuesday night I noticed he has a hard on ask him if he wants sex and he just completely rejects me
He also used to be affectionate and cuddly now it's not so much

I'm just asking if it could be depression is still affecting him or if I'm being taken for a ride

I think you're being taken for a ride !

Doesn't sound like depressions necessarily, sounds like you've just got a mismatched sex drive.

Me and my partner have mismatched sex drives, I'd happily go for it every few days, but she'd be satisfied with every couple of weeks. (Actually it's more like loads for one week in 4, very little the rest of the time)

You've got two choices, accept that you're not going to have sex as much as you want, or end the relationship. For me, being with my partner is more important than getting as much sex as I want, so I put up with it.

If you're the partner who wants sex more often, then yes, you are going to end up getting rejected a lot. You can either take it personally, or just accept that the other person doesn't fancy it right now. You can't pressure the other person to want it, that's just going to make him feel less like he wants it. He's also probably reduced the amount of cuddles etc because he's worried that you're going to see it as a signal for a shag.

And finally, a hard on means nothing. We get them in our sleep, we get them when we're watching the TV, we get them when we're horny, we get them when we're not. They're a thing that sometimes just happens, even when we're not in the mood. It can be quite annoying!

When your the person with the higher sex drive, you are always going to get rejected more - thats just the way of the world unfortunately

if sex is important to you, then you will probably have to find someone else unfortunately

Tuesday night I noticed he has a hard on ask him if he wants sex and he just completely rejects me

Men can get random erections for any reason really, it doesn’t necessarily mean thy want sex at that time

https://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/random-erections

Some anti-depressants can impact libido and sexual performance. Is that possibly part of the issue? Either way though, if it is seriously impacting you then you don't need to just accept it. Relationships are meant to enhance our lives. If they don't then either fix them or end them. Life is too short to waste it trapped in an unfulfilling relationship, regardless of the reasons.

What’s the rest of the relationship like?

Hi everyone thanks for your replies I guess it is hard from going to doing it daily to once a week
I put it down to depression ect which was fine thought once he is in better state of mind then things might improve but they haven't and he's says he feels more himself ect

But every time I try to talk about he either doesn't want to or gives a different excuse it's more I'm too tired than I'm not in the mood ect he works 24 hours a week housework childcare falls on me and I work full time he does do the odd job around the house if I ask

And iv asked him to just tell me the truth if your not in the mood fine but I hate lies if you
Can't be bothered to do it with me just say that I'm gonna be fine about it I don't care as long as I'm not being lied too

The relationship is generally good. We do have the odd squabble but it's good and I enjoy his time and company and he seems happy and settled.
He's been talking about having another baby but if he's tired already and doesn't want sex what's it gonna be like after we have another one

Surely she's not being taken for a 'ride' - hence the problem :).

Another child? Do you already have one together? I'm wondering if the drop in libido and mood happened after a new baby arrived?

I have one child but from previous relationship no contact with father

Partner stepped in taking on child but can be lazy as in screen on as soon as she comes home from school till dinner and then offers more after dinner so he can play his games

First of all, regardless of whether you decide to immediately leave or not, please do NOT have a child with this man any time soon. It will not solve anything.

If you are unable to communicate with him about sex, that is a huge issue. That needs to be worked on. And if it can't be worked on, you are better off apart.

There is no hard and fast rule as to how much sex you should have in a relationship, and there is no right or wrong. It's personal preference. However, if sex is important to you and he's not interested in even talking about it, this is going to eat away at you and potentially knock your confidence.

You've essentially gone 4 years without a decent sex life. Can you really fathom another 4 years of exactly the same?

@bonnie2055 "If he wants sex,he gets it."

This statement tells me -he gets it because you are giving it -granting him access consciously.

There are days, if you feel you don't want to give,just say NO.Full stop.

Don't be a victim in giving and receiving sex.

You are not his pleasure machine.

This relationship doesn't look healthy to me, since he and you are not having healthy conversations about difficult topics.

It's always better to weigh options before you think this won't go anywhere or will go somewhere.

Having another baby or one baby is a man's silent way to shut his woman's mouth by consent and maybe a silent coercion.

Don't have another child with a man who doesn't respect your sex drive.

Let's all forget sex.

Respecting a sex drive and just only acknowledgement is more enough.

Deepest love and support to you.

JVD.