Need to take a chance, scared!

[VenturingOut80]

I've been single for a little over a year, in the process of divorce. I've been on a few dates with guys but none clicked, no one I could see myself with long term. Until August this year. I met a guy and we immediately hit it off. Feels like my best mate with added huge chemistry. We're both smitten and I think this could really be something special. BUT he works away and goes for a few months at a time.

I don't want to live this way long term, essentially wishing my life away until he's home again. Neither does he. I can't see it working if he stays in this job. He's thinking of giving up the contractor life and getting a job here in the UK. It's likely to be a huge change to him in terms of both lifestyle and income (at least in the short term).

I would love it if he was here all the time, but I'm worried he's taking a huge gamble (career wise and financially) for us essentially. If we hadn't met he wouldn't be considering this. What if it doesn't work out and he's taken such a chance on it?

He's taking a much bigger risk than me here. Financially and career wise I'm sorted on my own so whether it works or not is purely an emotional risk for me.

You are literally mirroring me, almost three years ago. Honestly, take a chance. We built an amazing relationship despite the distance over a period of 18months. He would come back here and stay with me when not away. Now, he's more freelance. He goes away still, but not for such long periods. He doesn't need to earn as much as there's now two of us adding to the pot and our relationship, is worth more than money. We now live together, I adore him, and when he goes away, of course I miss him, but I use that time for me..it absolutely can work, no need to rush things though. If you're both invested, and can see it through the long distance, then it will work..

Hmm, not sure. There's nothing to say it wouldn't work but equally it may not. That depends on whether he can do that, is actually willing to and whether he ends up content in that change and it doesn't turn into resentment.

May just be me but do you think considering the length of the relationship so far, a change of circumstances like that could be fast?

Similarly, if it's more long distance at the moment how would it be being closer all of the time, after the dust settles.

It's his choice, isn't it? If you want to have a life together, it makes sense in the long run.

Obviously you haven't been seeing each other long, so it's too soon and a bit concerning.

Realistically it would take a while for him to get sorted, I presume? I'd be talking about it as the plan for another year to 2 year's time, so you've got proper time together under your belt. (I'd also want to hear things like it's never been his life plan to keep contracting forever, unprompted.)

Not to be heartless, but if it doesn't work out, that's his problem 😂He would be able to go back to his previous lifestyle.

You're all right of course, it's too soon for the change and it wouldn't be immediate anyway. We're talking a year or so down the line I think, and he has said already he didn't want to do this forever (unprompted!) I guess I just don't want to get too attached to him.

Hmm, maybe I'm an old cynic, but I think there are a few red flags here.

Lovebombing and moving things way to fast. It's his decision to make, but I'd be concerned he wants to make it so soon. I'd also be surprised if it actually happens and wondering if the working away is all it seems

If he does change his arrangements, will he be living with you in your financially settled life?

No he wouldn't live with me, he has his own place nearby.

The working away is genuine, we facetime a lot and several of his friends are in the same line of work (all ex military)

I'm overthinking this aren't I? He's not talking about giving it up right now, in maybe one more year by which time we'll have a better idea of how we want things to pan out between us. I think talk of long term plans spooked me a bit but it's just that, a future plan and not set in stone.

Yep, I'm going to say you're overthinking it a bit.

Keep your feet on the ground in terms of, this may be just the initial excitement of the relationship and it may not have legs. There's always the possibility this is future-faking on his part, but that's the kind of thing you only find out over time.

But if in a year's time, you're still going strong together, then him stopping contracting and changing lifestyle is a good step.

What if it doesn't work out and he's taken such a chance on it?

Then he'd go back to contracting. It's not like he's going to sign his soul over, is it 😁