How do you leave with nothing?

[ToEachHisOwnFear]

We have no savings and now live pay check to pay check thanks to COL. I believe our marriage is over and cannot recover but how do I even begin to leave with no savings, no family near by and no friends I can stay at with dc? We have a mortgage so all money is tide up in the house but that doesn't release until the day it is sold. I can't get together a deposit and couldn't afford mortgage and rent if the house sale was to be delayed for any reason. I can't afford a new mortgage on my own but can't leave the area due to work and don't want to as my support network of friends is here. I would need to go into rented and there are so few places available and all more than my mortgage but at least eventually I would get help towards it

Yes, I left with nothing more than a holdall containing a few sets of undies, a couple of paira of shorts and a couple of tops plus my laptop. I didn't even have a coat.

Three years on and I've just bought a house largely furnished with stuff friends donated to me/I got free on Facebook market place and a few bits of furniture I got out of my old house which I owned pre-marriage.

It's not been easy. Still living pay check to pay check. No possibility to save realistically, but it can be done.

Thanks @Mushroom2023 but how? How do I get another place to rent lined up for when my house sells when there is no guarantee it will complete until completion day? How do I resolve the requirement for a deposit when I have no disposable income? The money is tide up until its sold. I feel so trapped

It's not easy.

Deposit for a rental property is usually equivalent to a month's rent (plus first month in advance). I'm lucky in that I'm not in the SE so rent is not as high as it is there. However, a 0% credit card for the deposit and pay it back with any spare cash you might have over the 0% period.

Rent is more expensive than a mortgage, so you might have to look at places which are a bit smaller than might be ideal, but it's temporary.

You can expect not to have the same standard of living as you did when married because you'll have to pay all the bills etc on your own, so look at the things you can do without.

Do you have any possessions you could sell to raise any cash? (jewellery etc. It might have sentimental value, but you can't survive on sentimental, you need a roof over your head, heating and food and that becomes a priority). Could you take on more work to boost your income?

For me it took over 2 years to reach a point where the equity in the former marital home was released, but whilst it may take a while you still have a foot on the property ladder, so that home is still a future investment.

Have you talked to a solicitor yet?

Would you be in a position to buy out your ex? Or vice versa? He would need to pay child maintenance etc unless you'll be 50/50 residency.

There are lots of options for how things will be worked out. Sometimes people agree a bigger share of the house rather than taking part of a pension etc.

You need legal and financial advice, I think you're running on ahead a bit if you haven't spoken to someone yet.

I guess it also depends on the situation in your relationship.

For me, staying was not an option and I had to get out quickly (hence taking only a holdall) - it took weeks to even just be able to get some of my normal clothes back. In that situation, you do whatever you need to survive.

You do have to weigh up how much you need it want to leave Vs what you give up if you do.

If there's no abuse and your split could be amicable, is it possible for you to share the same house until it is sold and the equity therefore released? Even if that takes a little while?

I got a loan for my rental deposit,

Left with the clothes on our back. My clapped out car and the children's beds.

I was in the middle of my nursing degree.

It was fucking hard, hardest time of my life. But I gradually built my world back up. Bought second hand furniture and replaced it one by one as time went on. When I graduated I took a nhs lease car out once I started my job.

It was the lowest part of my life. I lost ten stone in 2 years due to the stress, but 9 years on I'm bloody proud of how I did it. And how far I have come!

I am with a new partner and engaged to be married next year, that abusive marriage taught me what was not acceptable

Do your friends/relatives know your situation? Speak to them and see if there is any possibility of you staying with them whilst you get yourself together and until your house is sold. Yes, you'll likely have to contribute towards bills but it will be cheaper than renting and you can try to put a bit of money aside. Once your house is sold you can start again. Like others have said buy furniture second hand. Good luck and we'll done for making a very hard decision to leave and start again. It won't be easy but it will worth it.

This is why I will never marry and tie up my finances with another person.