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Original poster

Happily ever after with AP?

32 replies

SomedayMyPain · 25/10/2023 22:43

Has anyone ended their marriage for the affair partner and lived happily ever after? No regrets? How did you trust each other not to cheat?

OP posts:
JuliaSaysHi · 04/08/2025 09:06

Withouthedarkness · 26/10/2023 01:01

Some do, some don’t.

Sometimes relationships that started as affairs mean the parties will work harder at nurturing their relationship because they know the consequences of neglecting it.

And sometimes people are serial cheats.

The biggest regrets I should imagine are when children are involved and a family is broken.

The pressures of how the relationship started can break the couple or bond the couple.

So, yes- I’d say some do, some don’t.

Victim blaming language ‘consequences of neglecting it’ - is putting blame on those within the marriage who chose not to cheat, statistically more likely to be the women raising children. Very poor.

Withouthedarkness · 04/08/2025 09:33

JuliaSaysHi · 04/08/2025 09:06

Victim blaming language ‘consequences of neglecting it’ - is putting blame on those within the marriage who chose not to cheat, statistically more likely to be the women raising children. Very poor.

Show quote history

No, it isn’t.

Sally690 · 04/08/2025 09:49

I know people who've gone on to live happily and others who it has left in misery. It's the kids I feel sorry for, caught up in all the selfish arseholery.

TheSandgroper · 04/08/2025 10:04

A mate was engaged to be married, went on a holiday as a last thing, came home in tears to break off the engagement and marry the bloke she met on that holiday. New bloke lived ten minutes down the road but, in a rural area, they had never come across each other before.

I am sure she is sad about breaking No 1’s heart but has never had a day’s regret about marrying the bloke she did.

MsDDxx · 04/08/2025 10:07

I know loads of couples who started as affairs - including both my DH’s parents. His father had an affair first, married her. His mother then had an affair with a married man, and now they’re together. Both relationships have been going over 30 years.

My DH had a girlfriend when he started seeing me. Before any rage at me we were very early 20s 😂 and not very grown up.

TheMathofLoveTriangles · 04/08/2025 10:37

Commitments to spouse can make it tricky for affairs when they leave the fantasy and enter reality. Kids, finances, family connections all make it messy because it is a hurtful way to end a relationship.

However I am firmly in the camp that if your relationship is over then staying “for the children” is a terrible idea. What messes up children isn’t affairs or splitting up (I’m speaking from the experience of someone who was a child of those circumstances), what messes them up is adults who use them as bargaining chips, or as weapons. Relationships end and a lot of the narratives around them ending is so unhelpful. The best thing you can do for your children is work together (in a relationship or out of one) to show them you’re both there for them regardless of your relationship with each other

Susieb2023 · 04/08/2025 11:06

This is a zombie thread. Nearly two years old but would be interesting if @SomedayMyPain came back and updated us!

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