I'm just not affectionate

[emilyrw2]

Hi all,

Since I was a young girl I have never been the cuddly, all over someone, affectionate type. Personal space is massive to me, it's just who I am. Don't get me wrong now and then I don't mind but I'm not clingy whatsoever. My heart is full and I absolutely adore my partner, more than anyone I have ever been with but I don't always physically show it. It's just not my love language. I know he would like me to be more often but he doesn't love me any less for it. He makes subtle jokes and tried to communicate with me about it at the beginning because he thought it was personal to him. I feel bad that I'm not affectionate? I wish I could be for him but it's just not me. I can't help but feel guilty! Please tell me I'm not alone 🙏🏼

You're not alone I'm also the same and this comes uo regularly in my relationship. But I get it, it's not 'me' either! Although I have to say I have come to realise I have a very avoidance attachment style so thats probably my reasoning. Is this an issue for your partner? Or do you get along well with little affection from your end? You're certainly not on your own x

Thank god! I was beginning to think what is wrong with me! No It's not an issue for him.. atleast I hope not! I had a really crappy relationship when I was younger and I think that enhanced the lack of affection even more. I can tell sometimes that he is affected by it which I understand but for some reason this triggers me because I can't change it no matter how hard I try! It's just who I am.

Hi I'm your friend! DP gets really down about this and I get down about his incessant need for affection. As I've said to him 'sometimes I just don't want to be touched!'

I'm exactly the same as you.

Can't stand physically needy people. Don't get me wrong, Im not a tactile void- I'd hug someone in distress if they needed that (admittedly not for long 😀).

I hug and kiss my children and partner but again not for long. Not one for holding hands either. Couldn't accuse me of being clingy!!

Not idea why I'm like this.

😂😂 Thank you everyone.

I’ve never been a tactile person. I value my own space, I want to sit on my own sofa not snuggled up. I love having my bed to myself. I don’t really like affectionate talk either. I want to be called my name not gorgeous, darling, sexy etc.

Im single and it does seem to put some men off. It does sometimes come across that I’m cold I think but I’m really not it’s just part of my personality.

So if he is your partner, you two have been together seriously for a long time and he surely found out your nature ages ago in the early days of dating?
Why has this come up now?

I’m the same! Been married 30 years and with DH 35. Always hugged/kissed my son (although less so since he’s older as think he’s not tactile like me). I think my father is the same. My DH is the opposite and very tactile.

Seems very odd to me, tho single, my cat very cuddly I get upset if he’s off with me!
being catless for 4 week s was almost too much

You are not alone @emilyrw2 I am like this too. Probably because I am independent but hey, we shouldn't all expect to be luvvy duvvy with others. I'd rather cuddle up with my dog on the sofa than with a fella!

Me too. Married many years, 2 DC just don't really love being cuddled/touched. I need personal space. Sadly my dd is like this, my ds is the complete opposite.
Growing up my dm didn't ever give any affection, as much as I would like to be different I just can't, it seems so alien. I have accepted who I am. Dh does get some affection though as he is very tactile.
It's like I understand it I just can't feel comfortable doing it.

This is me too op

My partner is like this. I would like more affection and we have worked on it in couples counselling.
He's learned to remember to do the odd affectionate thing and I have learned that he's trying because he loves me. Can you do other things to show your partner you love them?
Like alot of relationship stuff I think it's all about compromise- being open to change and meeting somewhere in the middle.