Need a little push

[newlife91]

I've posted on here previously about things in my relationship being quite bad. He's overly critical, controlling, lazy.. the list goes on. I really was in love with him and never wanted to leave up until he punched a wall at the start of the year and came up in my face with his fists that I finally started to really realise what an arse he is. And to be honest, I got scared of the person I'm with, I realised he is not a kind person. Things have much improved the past year after I said I wanted to break up with him 6 months ago. He's made a lot of effort and trying to make me happy. But I just can't get over it. With all that said, I flip between wanting to leave and deciding that I can't on an almost hourly basis. I worry that I will regret it and I'm overplaying how bad things were and that if I try a bit harder we could work. I wish I'd left when it happened and I could remember how bad things were. I am so anxious as I feel I need to make a decision. I know everyone will respond with just leave, but it feels like an impossible task. Help

Feel all over the place and anxious 24/7. Any advice welcome.

Have a big shove instead of a little push towards the door from me; he’s not really changing just getting you back on side - next time he’ll punch you not the wall

Sometimes Op a thing that's broken can't be mended. He's doing all the things you wanted before but sometimes it's too little, too late, he could have been nicer before but he didn't bother until you talked about leaving. Sometimes if someone changes you can get past previous hurts but everyone has a point of no return, a point where the good feelings for someone have gone - I think for you the past hurts are too much and if you were honest you'd say this relationship has had it's day. Only you can make the decision to leave but the fact you think about it constantly suggests you're done

Thanks both. @Daleksatemyshed thats helpful and definitely how I'm starting to feel

He is faking the new him. I left ex for 6 months. He talked me back. Even got married. Lasted 2 weeks of the facade. Divorced after the minimum year needed. Get rid op. See your mh rise...

It's not easy to leave op. If it were then many of us would have saved ourselves years of heartache. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're not the problem here and you are dealing with issues that you didn't cause or ask for.

I also don't think that many women who post about abuse actually take the advice and leave. Not until they are ready too.

Men like him don't change. They can pretend too but they don't. The real them still lies underneath and I hate to say it - it will probably come out again.

Sadly you are spending your life wondering if what's going to happen next. What he's going to do. This isn't a good way to live for you. It will leave you in a cos tent state of panic and anxiety. The longer you stay, the longer you are potentially damaging yourself and putting yourself at risk. You are so important op! You don't deserve to feel or live this way! You are not the problem here so maybe it's time to start protecting yourself from him. You're worth so much more than this!

@orangecandles thank you so much 💐what a kind message. You're right I need to put myself first and I really hope I can find the courage to leave soon.