Please could I have some help unpacking this. Trigger warning - about sex and consent.
I think I was 12 or 13. I was at a summer orchestra residential camp. I was either almost 13 or almost 14 because my birthday was at the end of the summer but I am 99% sure I was 12, nearly 13. An older boy took a liking to me. I didn’t really know how to respond to him although I think I initially liked the attention. He kept trying to get me alone. This ended up with kissing and two incidents, one with him rubbing me through my clothes and the second where he took me into a bedroom and took off my clothes. I managed to say no to full sex but everything else happened, totally led by him. Someone walked in on us which stopped it.
I’ve recently been trying to process this as i was very ashamed and haven’t ever told anyone about it and tried to forget it ever happened.
However the questions I’m not sure about are
- I don’t believe I actively said no to anything but full sex however I didn’t actively say yes - I was pretty frozen and stunned and did everything he suggested except sex (because that was a “BIG THING” and I don’t know that I had the words for the other things). I am really unclear whether or not he would have thought I consented or not.
- If he was also a kid, under 16, does this have an impact in that it’s not sexual assault. I have read that a child under 13 can’t consent to anything but if I’m wrong about which summer it was and I was 13 and he was say 15, would this be just be considered two kids messing about?
I think I’ve recently read about abuse in music teaching which has triggered these thoughts.