I'm loosing patience with my inlaws.

[Rbeka1]

So my inlaws and I have always had a sort of forced relationship, when we had our 3rd child two years ago they refused to come and meet her or even have anything to do with her as they didn't like me.
I could see how much it was getting to my husband and put on my best fake smile and a*rse licked, they eventually had a relationship with our children abeit on their terms only.
I've gone above and beyond making the effort for them to have a relationship with the kids but if I'm not making that effort then they won't see them.
They live 2 miles up the road and his dad hasn't seen our children for nearly 6 months, his mum hasn't seen them for nearly 2 but in that time hasn't asked about them, facetimed them nothing.
And then when she does pop over for half hour she will just pass her opinions on the way I'm raising them.
I don't feel like it's all completely up to me to make sure they have a relationship and I've told my husband I'm quite happy to pull his parents aside and tell them this.
Anyone else have in laws like this?!

Why are you forcing this ‘relationship’ on everyone? You in-laws don’t have an obligation to have relationship with anyone, they don’t seem to be interested in their grandchildren at all. It’s maybe a bit sad but it’s not unusual.

If your DH wants to force the relationship with his parents let him do the work.

They don’t want to spend time with you and you don’t enjoy their company. Just stop making the effort.

Did DH see his parents much before your children came along?

If they don't like how you are raising them they probably think it is a lost cause unfortunately.

They are likely quite sad about it but don't want to be exposed to how you are parenting.

I am in a similar boat where I hate the attitude and approach of my MIL.

I am in a similar boat, my MIL hates me because of the most stupidest and selfish reason she hasn't seen her grandchildren or asked about them in 3 going on 4 months now.

Leave them to it, focus on your own family unit and be grateful the toxicity isn't around your children that's how I see it.

Does dh take the dc over there. Leave him do it and keep your own peace.

As far as I can see you have done your bit. You are doing your best for the dc to have a relationship with them and they are simply not bothered.
I'd just leave the ball in their court now. Or leave it up to your dh to take the dc round to see them if he wants to.
At the end of the day I know you are doing it for your dc, but if inlaws are not bothered about that connection, the dc will eventually twig this and it'll still cause disappointment to them. so best set that expectation now, then they won't be so bothered when months go by without seeing granny, it'll just be the norm for them.

If mil pops in and starts criticizing, just smile and leave the room, go do an urgent task but don't engage with her. Let i just go over your head.
I had an mil a bit like this, although she was very very very into the kids lives! But she loved to 'advise' me on anything and everything! in the end it was easier to just nod and smile and then do my own thing anyway.

I agree with previous posters, you have encouraged a relationship the rest is up to them. You cannot force them to see their grandchildren. I would leave it and certainly ignore comments on your parenting skills and as pp mentioned find something urgent you need to do.
Not building a relationship with their grandchildren is their choice and their loss imo.

You've done enough now. My advice is to completely leave it.

Your inlaws are never going to turn into the kind loving grandparents you would've hoped for your DC. By forcing a relationship all your doing it highlighting that to your DC and prolonging the pain.

I would completely drop the rope - stop mentioning them at all (to your DH/your DC/everyone). Leave it 100% up to your DH what level of contact there is. Resist any urge to join in rants about them with your DH - if/when he mentions them be a good listening ear but completely emotionally detached from it, as if he was talking about a difficult colleague that you've never met. Any contact your have with the in-laws in the future is supporting your DH - nothing else.

Everyone has opinions how to raise other people's children lol but u know what they are your kids end of the day. I would let them see kids when they want in that way ur husband camt say anything. I think they are being childish about this matter. Just be happy with ur husband and family. There is only so much you can try. End of the day they will be lonely when they are old unfortunately. Life is to short. Or have a meeting with them and ur husband find out what the issue is.

WTF is loosing 🙄

If your husband wants to force his parents to have a relationship with their grandchildren that’s up to him to facilitate. They aren’t bothered clearly. I would stop making any effort. It’s not going to benefit the children when it’s so forced. Better no relationship at all than a forced fake one

Really?
Apologies if my mistake in spelling has offended you. 🥱

Thanks for all the comments of advice, minus the one that was irrelevant and from someone who clearly has too much time on their hands.

I've decided to just leave them to it, no point stressing over a situation that I can't control.

Thanks again :)

I'm not sure how to close comments as I'm new to this.