Am I being selfish?

[Time4achange11]

I go stay at my boyfriends 4 times a week. I travel there via foot. I travel back too ofcourse. Often evenings and I leave early in the morning. He never walks me. He rarely gets up!

Without over sharing for the last year we've had sex every time we see one another. He's usually the instigator. He's also one to offer massages etc. He gets the same back and he actually gets more massages than me. It kept us close. It felt lovely. I felt wanted.

Then 6 weeks ago it all stopped.He has gone onto a tablet called amitripline (can't spell) he also was on 2 years ago. He's only been on it 2 weeks and he just sleeps like an old man and he lives for bedtime. He's moody. Getting headaches etc. He has always got depression and low moods but this hasn't affected him sexually until 6 weeks ago.

I've started feeling rejected, unwanted, frustrated and bored. I feel terrible but sometimes I just wanna leave when he's asleep at 3pm or wishing bed time here at 7pm. I'm trying not to be selfish, I love him, but spending time with him stuck in his flat with no sex drive is mind numbingly boring. I suggested a walk Sunday after dinner and he was tired and full!

Anyway tonight I went down just before 6. He mentioned earlier about trying to see what fun we could have. I felt a sense of relief that I could be close to my partner again. Unfortunately he nodded off at 8.30pm on the sofa. I told him to go get in bed and i said I was going to have a shower and chill as I wasn't tired. He attempted to offer to stsy up but then said I'll go lie down whilst you shower. He was face down a sleep and I spoke to him and said shall I go home as you are tired. He got mad and told me it was typical of me and he couldn't believe I was going. He yelled he was sorry he had taken a Tablet and it was all the time with me. I told him I was just trying to have a relationship with him. He yelled more and I left. I walked home and messaged him explaining I was sorry but I was feeling frustrated and finding this all abit hard with the early bed times and no intimacy. I explained we didn't need to have sex but to stop all physical contact like massages etc too. It feels like the closeness has gone.

Am I being shitty?

Your post makes me want to cry! You are wasting your young years on this - DON'T.

You seem wracked with guilt, and this has to stop! You are entitled to get out of this situation for your own sake.

He isn't your 'partner'. Never has been. He's a bloke you used to visit for some fun and sexy times. That's no longer on the table, so you leave and find someone who matches what YOU want.

Thank your lucky stars you don't have kids with this man, and that you are not married to or living with him! You cleverly retained your freedom and autonomy, yet when the time comes to exercise them you are hemmed in by a needless sense of guilt.

As others have pointed out, he's making no effort, he takes you for granted and you need to end this situation immediately.

Ask the gp for notriptyline less groggy etc. Its the sister drug to AMT.

It's not really relevant but I'm struggling to understand how you have kids but can still stay out four nights a week and separately socialise with friends.

There doesn't sound like a single reason to continue this arrangement.

When i was on amitriptyline i was the same. Foggy head, fatigued, numb mentally, tired all the time. Its really difficult to be on some antidepressants. Give him time to get in his system, it can take a while. If he has Same symptoms after a couple month he needs change meds. Has dr tried him on pregablin for nerve pain instead?

Sorry, but if I was ill annd on medication and my partner was pestering me for sex, I’d be the one running for the hills.

Hi I see my kids everyday I'm selling the house I own with their dad currently. When I say 4 times a week that's the max its often 2 or 3 nights. My kids come with me once a week too for tea.

We did go away in May for a weekend and we used to go for walks etc. It has got particularly dull recently.

I'm honestly not pestering for sex. He's just lifeless and not interested in even a walk or a cuddle unless he's cuddling me as he nods off. I've tried to be patient but I feel bored in general. I think I need to re evaluate things.

Life is too short to be bored with someone you are only at the dating stage with.

If you had made a commitment to him and it was a deep and loving relationship that would be completely different, the fact he is also not communicating in a respectful way to you just makes it worse.

Learn from it and move on

You want to leave your partner, because the medication he it taking, to control pain, is making him too sleepy to have sex / entertain you.

if that is the case, I think it’s reasonable you split up. No way I would want a partner that sulked off home because my medication was making me too tired to do what they wanted.

Problem is that in my experience it's common for doctors to prescribe tablets for certain issues, only those tablets have side effects and actually have other uses. Do you know his dosage?

I can only go off my experience with them, they did help for sleep, too much but they also made me feel off, not the same. Some really do make you different. I've had some years and years ago that made me feel like plastic, no feeling or a care in the world, just floating. Others irritable and snappy, I don't take anything now it's not worth it. They don't mix with some people and if you look at the leaflets they got loads of side effects.

As I said though, back problems and nerve pain is hard to sort out and considering his age, which I thought was going to be younger it will likely not be resolved. May get worse over time as gets older.

It's normal for him to get mad quickly. He always says if I have an issue to talk to him face to face not on the phone. But it doesn't help. He still can't hear alot before he gets mad.

This isn’t sounding good, OP.

I think the trouble is OP that the tiredness, the medication, can change over time. Him being a selfish and abusive twat will not. I'd get out now before things get any worse, as they will.

I think the problem is that she wasn't even particularly happy before the medication. In which case it's fair enough but she could've made that clearer.

I initially had no sympathy for OP as I believe if you truly love your partner and otherwise happy you should standby them through ups and downs, and a lack of sex for a few weeks on medication shouldn't be an issue at all. Imagine a woman on here posting that her bf was being moody, sulking and storming out cos she didn't want sex for 3 weeks while she was in extreme pain and taking medication that was known to cause tiredness?! Everyone would be telling her to run a mile.

However, based on more recent posts I don't think it's been a very happy relationship or that they were particularly compatible even at the start

He doesn’t sound like he’s cut out for a relationship right now.

Been on it myself for nerve damage and it does cause drowsiness, can he take at night time instead?