Red flags?

[laura6767]

Am I being love bombed? 🚩

I’ve been seeing someone for 2 months.
He mentioned going on holiday together for some winter sun on the third date. He has probably mentioned it every time I’ve seen him since - wanting to book it. We have both found some hotels but I’m having some doubts. It’s not been booked yet.

He has mentioned a couple of times about him getting me a big engagement ring for when we go on this holiday. Sort of in a joke way? But I’ve just said something like haha don’t say that, as it freaked me out a bit. He still said it again on another date, after I said that.

I would say he is a little pushy, whereas I am very much a go with the flow sort of person. So I have a tendency to not push back/assert boundaries sometimes (which I am working on).

Things have come to a head in my mind after the last time I saw him. We had sex and the condom broke. I mentioned to him
a while ago that I’m not on the pill or anything and we have been using condoms for the last couple of weeks. He told me it broke after he finished (I didn’t notice). He said he thought it had during, as ‘it suddenly felt loads better down there’. I was annoyed and said I would have to get the morning after pill. He just laughed and said sorry. On reflection I’ve been wondering whether his comments mean he knew it broke but carried on anyway? If he suspected it had broken during, he should have checked, before finishing surely? I’ve not had this happen before so i’m not sure if men can typically tell when the condom breaks during sex.

I’ve been looking up the signs of live bombing and he isn’t particularly clingy, just keen, he hasn’t given me any large gifts or told me he loves me. I’m just not sure if his is more subtle but still love bombing type behaviour?

We have a lot in common otherwise and seem to broadly have the same life goals and values otherwise. We are both looking for a serious relationship. I do like him but I’m conscious that future promising and being pushy on what he wants are potential love bombing tactics. I’m also concerned about the condom situation. I would love to get an objective view please. What do people think? Should I be worried or am I overthinking?

Yeah, having been in a similar situation of a relationship that accelerated that fast in the same kind of way it lead to an abusive marriage.

Also, guys point of view, you may not feel a change but I think can often tell when a condom breaks on ourselves, I usually do, it feels completely different.

Does he have adhd?

Well done OP. His response to the break up is another red flag. You have dodged a bullet there.

By the way, a condom breaking should be concerning for BOTH parties. Also, it's not a "small thing". Also, a broken condom where one party knows it is broken is definitely a form of sexual assault.

Wanker.

Wtf?

My thinking exactly @pinkyredrose

He doesn’t have ADHD, but regardless neurodivergence or mental health issues do not excuse abusive behaviour. Someone can have ADHD and be abusive.

Your OP made me think ICK so I'm not surprised he turned out to be a dickhead! Glad you're out of there and remember that's unusual behaviour so don't let it impact your ability to trust. Have you been for STI checks? Sorry to mention.

Completely agree with @Watchkeys re this:

“feel like I’ll never be able to trust a guy again

Then don't, until one behaves towards you, consistently, for a long period of time, to make you feel you can. Your mistake has been to trust too easily. Get to know people first, before assigning them with a 'trust value'. I'm not sure why you trusted him at all, if his manner was sometimes 'freaking you out' after only 2 months.

Well done for leaving him. He's really shown his true colours. Horrible.”

There is no shortcut to trust. It has to be earned over time. That doesn’t mean you can’t date - it does mean that you avoid over-exposing yourself to situations which could be risky. And in fact, that’s what you were doing: you knew that it was too soon to go on holiday and too soon to talk about being engaged. You knew the condom thing was huge (the fact he thinks it’s a small thing makes him a danger to women). Overall he sounds like a very nasty piece of work who hates women. Well done to you for getting away from him.

I'm nearly 40 and have never known a condom to break. Did he mean slip off as that can happen if it isn't put on correctly. Your boyfriend sounds a bit immature and perhaps has some kind of issue like ADHD. Perhaps not lovebombing, he may just really really like you and you haven't caught up yet. There does seem an issue with boundaries so that should be considered as well. My boyfriend is the opposite and I've asked on here if I should continue.

Well done for dumping him op.

Many red flags here!

Wanting to rush the relationship along too quickly and talking of holidays and engagement by the 3rd date - sign of an abusive relationship as many abusive relationships start with the abuser wanting to rush things along far more quickly than normal.

The condom incident and his reaction to it - sign of an abusive relationship

His reaction to you dumping him - sign of an abusive person.

You absolutely did the right thing.