Dating - OLD Why do we do it to ourselves?

[Lookingforlove2022]

Get talking to someone on OLD, meet up for a drink, conversation flows, kissing and we get on.

Next day no calls or hardly any texting, then today says he's too busy.

Obviously he's not feeling it/ cold feet but why do some men do this?

Why not just say the truth to me!

Thankfully no sex with him

Plenty of people on OLD are married/in relationships or simply looking to go on dates, not to date, or to fill their evenings with female/male company, or to fill their evenings when they don’t have their kids. Or they could be juggling many people and hence too busy or playing hard to get or just not interested because there was no physical action on date 1. Please don’t dwell on it and move on. Happens a lot to anyone dating in their 40s according to my friends on OLD.

I think you can get on with someone, and be attracted to them and realise that you wouldn't or couldn't have a relationship with them. I certainly found that with OLD

Yes agree with that but why can't someone just text and be honest and everyone knows where they stand!

It's possible he wants you to chase after him or he wants to keep his options open so says nothing. Maybe he doesn't know how to reject or can't be bothered to.

In the vague hope there’s someone decent out there though that’s looking less likely as time goes on.

I’ve met a few pleasant guys that were ok but I wasn't attracted to. The one guy I thought could have gone somewhere decided to withhold his deal breaking bombshell until after a few dates.

It’s been a complete non starter for me

After 1 date?

this is all too full on. way too full on. Everyone to know where they stand? stand on what? it was one date!

sorry if this seems harsh but maybe try seeing more than one at a time.

I went on a date this week. he asked to see me again before it ended. he messaged to say he enjoyed it - which means i am getting another invite. i replied to agree it was good. now i leave it. he will be in touch. i get to decide if thats what i want. whats the rush?

Im not being mean, im not. but i didnt kiss him. slow down.

The one guy I thought could have gone somewhere decided to withhold his deal breaking bombshell until after a few dates.

@SamW98 what was the bombshell????

Thinking more about why they don't text thanks but not thanks maybe because it's more effort for hardly no benefit to them:

• A proper ending text means he loses you as a backup option when nothing better comes along so leaving you on the burner to come back to with a silly excuse of why he disappeared is better (to his mind?) than burning his bridges with you by an outright rejection?

• He might not want 'drama' or back and forth texts and thinks the cleanest or even kindest break is to ghost.

• Ghosting is easier because he finds it too hard to articulate what he wants to say. Maybe he himself doesn't know what he wants or why he doesn't want to continue. The text causes him anxiety so he avoids doing it altogether. Some adults avoid uncomfortable tasks.

Or like I said, could be a game tactic.

As far as why the date seemed well but then he ghosts, it could be you weren't reading the signs and he went along with the date because it wasn't bad enough to leave yet not great enough to meet up again. It could be wanted to see chemistry from a kiss and didn't like it. Could be something happened at the end that put him off or something was misunerstood.

The definite thing is he isn't a direct person and most importantly, he just isn't for you. When a guy fancies you he will make it plenty obvious and will be consistent.

Maybe he's got a few of you 'on the go' so isn't committing either way so you stay as a backup!?