Friend confided when drunk

[Lowtower]

Was out at the weekend with my friend and partner, they got visibly upset at the end of the night and confided that their partner is violently abusive, controlling and that I shouldn't trust them, that they feel trapped and unhappy.

They have ignored this since when I have spoke with them, And now I feel awkward and don't know what to do.

I would have spoken to them when they got sobered up and away from their partner and asked them about what they had said.

If they deny it I would say well I'm pleased you're OK and I'm always here for you.

When you say they have ignored I assume you brought it up when you were sober and alone in private? To me ignored like they never answered you. If so I would just say I'm here for you if you need anything and left it for her to bring it up again.

I assume your friend is an adult and no disclosure.of harm to.children or animalswas mentioned.
Sometimes drunk people tell the truth but other times it's made up or wrong person and got confused. I would speak to her in private when both sober and let her know you support her either way.

There’s nothing you can do without them wanting you to.
Your friend will talk again when they are ready to do so.
It’s a very positive thing that they have confided in you but it sounds that maybe they aren’t quite ready to get the help they need yet but they’ve made the first step by realising that they are in an abusive relationship which is definitely a good thing.
Just be there and be sure to let them know that you are there for them whenever they need you.
Please try to be understanding towards them they will more than likely be very confused and frightened of causing trouble. quite often the abuser will have completely destroyed their self esteem and confidence by gaslighting them into believing they are causing trouble for no reason and making them feel they can’t live without them.
unfortunately if you start trying to push it then that will only push your friend away from you and towards their abuser then they may never get the help they need.

They have ignored this since when I have spoke with them

Do you mean you've tried to bring it up again and they've ignored it, or you've spoken to them generally and they've not brought it up again?

This is a horrible situation to be in. From an outside perspective, you want them to get out of the situation as soon as possible, but leaving an abusive relationship is difficult and dangerous.

Could you encourage her to reach out to women's aid?

Desperate to tell someone. In reality, can’t afford to move out, not strong enough to live on their own and fear retribution. Can’t get the words out. Minimises and denies even to themselves.

Or, went over the top while drunk.

This is a tough one- she will be very difficult to get through to. Tell her your door is open when she is ready to talk. Then treat her normally. She’s not ready to leave yet.

Drunkenly confiding in you was a first small step and probably took some bravery on their part. But it's the first of many steps and they have to be the ones to take each one.

You just need to be there for them, as hard as it is to feel like you're doing nothing. Tell them outright you'll be there for them; you can even mention in an offhand way any concrete means of support you can provide ("you know there's always a bed for you here if you need it", that sort of thing).

Ask them to meet for a coffee - remind them of the conversation and ask how you can help

Yes, this

Not much you can do anyway if they won’t leave

I'd be very careful broaching it over phone or via text, voicemauls etc as the perpetrator can hear or read and it could make things worse. Try to arrange for coffee in a light hearted girly catch up way to not arouse suspicion. Have womens aid numbers at hand in person.