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Original poster

Friend owes other friend money- what would you do?

27 replies

Rosiiee · 24/10/2023 10:10

Put this in relationships because it's friendship related hope that's ok!

Just wanting general opinions about a situation. Going to try and keep this short.

We are a group of 6 friends, 2 of us from Europe and the rest from US. We met at an international conference a while back and have kept in touch via a WhatsApp group and have weekly video call- we've grown quite close and we just clicked as friends. There was our first in-person catch up organised earlier this month. All the US based ladies met up in Vegas for a long weekend (I couldn't make it).

One friend (friend A) asked if someone would be willing to pay for her at the time of booking and she'd pay them back (she was waiting for a work bonus). Anyways, a friend (friend B) advanced the money, they all went, had fun etc. After the trip, friend A ghosted us. She deleted WhatsApp, left the group, changed her entire mobile number (!!) and never paid back that other friend.

Now friend B was obviously annoyed but decided to chalk it up to experience and she won't be lending people money anymore. But just yesterday she said her dog has kidney disease and the vet prescribed expensive medication and she only has savings to cover a month of that medication. She had used some money from her savings to pay for friend A's Vegas share.

I know this doesn't really affect me directly but I am enraged at the situation. We found friend A on social media but no one can get in touch via phone since she changed her number. I want to do something but what can I realistically do here?? Am I letting it get to me too much? What would you do?

OP posts:
FriedasCarLoad · 24/10/2023 10:15

Can you try contacting friend A by calling her work number? If nothing else, just to make her sweat!

Maybe could all give a little towards the money friend B has lost? Obviously there's no obligation too, but just as a kind gesture.

NotSuchASmugMarried · 24/10/2023 10:16

Could you offer to pay the vet fees for your friend? I'm not sure that there IS anything other than that that you could do.

Opentooffers · 24/10/2023 10:21

As a group, you could pitch in for the amount she lost. Sounds like you barely knew each other really, so it was a risk.

femfemlicious · 24/10/2023 10:28

Yes, if you can find out where she works, everyone can call her office. She is a horrible person.

SamW98 · 24/10/2023 10:28

Sounds like friend A wasn’t a friend at all and was an absolute grifter. Probably not the first time she’s done this.

Sad as it sounds, friend B has been ridiculously naive lending money to someone she barely knows and I think she needs to chalk this down to a huge lesson learned.

Original poster
Rosiiee · 24/10/2023 10:35

She was definitely naive lending her money (and we're talking about 500 pounds!!) but I just feel so sad that her dog now has to pay for it! I did think about lending her some money and I will definitely offer if I have a bit of leftover after the end of the month!

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 24/10/2023 10:39

I don't think there should be any more lending within the group. I wouldn't get involved with this.

determinedtomakethiswork · 24/10/2023 10:40

This isn't a close friendship, this is someone you know from a conference. I would do what I could to find the first woman but I would not be lending money myself.

SamW98 · 24/10/2023 10:41

determinedtomakethiswork · 24/10/2023 10:39

I don't think there should be any more lending within the group. I wouldn't get involved with this.

Ditto. A group of people who don’t really know each other very well lending and borrowing money - hmm I’d steer well clear of getting involved.

Original poster
Rosiiee · 24/10/2023 10:42

@determinedtomakethiswork yeah I suppose that's true. I just didn't see the harm. It was a casual 'oh can you pay for the room in full and I'll pay you back the week after when I get my bonus?'. It didn't raise any flags for me either!

OP posts:
TheOccupier · 24/10/2023 10:47

In the UK we have something called the small claims court for these situations. Is there a US equivalent? How much money did your friend lose?

LookItsMeAgain · 24/10/2023 11:05

I was going to suggest that Friend B should see if it is possible to submit a claim through the Small Claims Court if she is outside the jurisdiction? Alternatively she could try to submit a claim in the US if the payment was made there - it may result in a flag going on Friend A's file eventually and she may have to pay it before she could gain entry to the US in the future if Friend B is successful in Court (maybe).

I wouldn't get involved further than offering advice.

LardoBurrows · 24/10/2023 11:19

Do you think you and the rest of the group would be willing, and able, to all donate something to friend B to help cover the loss of the money she gave lent to the thief and con artist formerly known as friend A?

BodegaSushi · 24/10/2023 15:29

TheOccupier · 24/10/2023 10:47

In the UK we have something called the small claims court for these situations. Is there a US equivalent? How much money did your friend lose?

Laughs in Judge Judy

Bobbotgegrinch · 24/10/2023 15:32

Stay out of it. You're not involved, it's not your problem.

If, separately, you want to give your friend some money towards her dog, then by all means do so. (And I do mean give, you've already learnt that lending ends friendships)

Nantescalling · 20/02/2024 20:36

LardoBurrows · 24/10/2023 11:19

Do you think you and the rest of the group would be willing, and able, to all donate something to friend B to help cover the loss of the money she gave lent to the thief and con artist formerly known as friend A?

This

caffelattetogo · 20/02/2024 20:42

You and your other friends should have a whip round.

Copperoliverbear · 20/02/2024 21:13

She can claim in her pet insurance

DreamTheMoors · 26/02/2024 03:25

TheOccupier · 24/10/2023 10:47

In the UK we have something called the small claims court for these situations. Is there a US equivalent? How much money did your friend lose?

Yeah. It’s called “Small Claims Court.”

And that’s an excellent idea. I believe if you, as the respondent, don’t attend, you lose by default. And if you don’t pay the judgment they can attach your wages.
What a little weasel.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 26/02/2024 03:38

I wouldn't lend anyone anything, in case the whole thing is a big swizz, tbh.

In future I wouldn't book trips with people unless everyone is fully flush. Dog lady was also silly to dip into vet savings for a weekend trip.

Best bet is to try and reach her through her employer - if she still works there (or ever did).

EmmaGrundyForPM · 26/02/2024 03:45

Presumably friend B can claim on her pet insurance.

'Friend' A sounds like a chancer. It's a hard lesson to learn.

Ladybyrd · 26/02/2024 03:59

In a minute, you'll pay the vet bill, friend B will ghost you, and you'll be the one out of pocket.

If you own pets, you budget for vet's bills, otherwise you shouldn't get a pet. Are we to believe that £500 was her only money in the world and now the dog will die? It sounds like she's trying it on with you to recoup some of her losses.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/02/2024 05:00

If there is a USA equivalent of a small
Claims court and they both live there that's the best option - If I was friend b I would friend request as many of friend a's Facebook or Instagram friends as possible and then write to her saying she needs the money and you will need to reach out to her network for help unless she can respond with a payment plan by x date.
If she doesn't respond then I would send screen shots to people she knows like friend as mother telling on her

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/02/2024 05:01

Ladybyrd · 26/02/2024 03:59

In a minute, you'll pay the vet bill, friend B will ghost you, and you'll be the one out of pocket.

If you own pets, you budget for vet's bills, otherwise you shouldn't get a pet. Are we to believe that £500 was her only money in the world and now the dog will die? It sounds like she's trying it on with you to recoup some of her losses.

Very likely

fatphalange · 26/02/2024 05:10

Friend B has been very unwise sadly. Also as a responsible pet owner she should be insured or otherwise prepared for vet bills. That's life. Sounds like she is expecting others to pitch in to help her out because of her poor decisions.

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