separation with kids involved...how does it work???

[nonamenow]

For a long time noe I have been unhappy in my marriage. Both me and my husband are too angry and have no ability to stop the arguement or save it till later so it's not infront of the kids. We have said for years we need to stop bickering all the time as it's destroying ouyr kids.

It's gone on for so long, there is so much disrespect and htered between the two of us that i feel it's time to leave before we do any more damage to our kids. They already show us the anger they see from us and gets so uncontrollably upset over nothing when we are having 'bad days' and it's breaking my heart.

I don't know why we have stayed together this long. i think i love him but there is absolutely no love between us, no affection, respect care etc at all. Are we together just because we don't want to be alone?? I ask myself that lots. Being on my own scares the hell out of me but seeing my kids being destroyed because of what they hear would be worse.

I don't work (got very young baby) we have a lovely house but my husband keeps that over our heads. I have no family or friends to go to while things proceed so i really haven't got a clue where to start. I'vr told him i want to seperate and he says 'just try abd get a penny out of me, i will make it as hard for you as possible' basically.

What am i entitled to? Will it mean bringing my kids up in a nasty area in a tiny bedsit etc because we've got some equity in our house. Once it is sold then I would have £20K in my pocket (half of the £40k equity) but that would get me nowhere with no future of work for some time to come.

How do i even go about atarting this whole messy process. Any money is what my husband earns etc.

Has anyone been in this situation? Woiuld they please be able to help me throiugh it?

Thankyou very much if you have read this and i'm sorry it's so long.

god that was a nasty thing of him to say! sorry noname, you must be feeling pretty crap. does he not realise that money you would get from him would go on his kids?? i'm not sure what you are entitled to as i'm not in britain (presume you are). but i suppose firstly you need to ring a citizens advice office or single parent helpline just to test the water. no need to tell him you're doing it. best of luck with everything. i'll keep an eye on this thread.

oh shit i totally feel for you honey , can you not go back to why you are arguing so much , relationships are so much hard work , i split from my ex in november , bit of a wierd one really , we still i know what you mean in love but we cant live together after 18 yrs we never married , got 2 children tho 11 and 3 , i think you need too go citizens advice , they will help you more good luck . hope you get happiness back x

I would see a solicitor on Monday and ask them what the next stages are. Failing that, go down the Citizens advice bureau. Both of these will give you the correct advice and the way to do this, so you don't end up out of pocket and he has to support you.

The reason I say this is because everyones situation is different. What might work for A, might not with B, if you see what I mean.

I am sorry you are going through this. I am sure that lots of women on here have been through this and will offer you support & friendship. Good luck.

have you thought about the two of you going to counselling? may help sort of why you are arguing or may help build bridges (remember people say hurtful things they don't necessarily mean when angry) even if you can't sort it out they can help with the separation

noname - have you posted this in the legal/money matters section? Hopefully someone can offer advice on what you may be entitled to - failing that CAB. This is something I am keen to find out too!