*TW* why do men get violent after children

[Messymaker]

After my partner hit me again infront of our toddler, I spoke to the DV holiness advisor who actually made me realise that this only started after dc was around.

Why is that? She said its quite common. Is it men thinking they have you locked down and can do anything to you and you can't leave. Do they feel a sense of security having that constant tie to you. I wouldn't say it's a jealousy thing or even relevant to my dc.

It’s very common for abuse to start in pregnancy or just after.

it’s a woman’s most vulnerable time so the time they’re more likely to get away with it. Then once it’s established it’s harder and harder to escape from.

I think you need to read a book by Lundy Bancroft I think it is called why do they do that? It explains this very well. It is to do with their thought processes. They have developed seriously maladaptive ways of forcing their needs to be the priority. When children come there is competition for getting meets met, they force you to prioritise theirs with violence.

I think it's a combination of all those points.
It's happened to me too.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and hope you have a way out and place to go

I think you're right that it's because they think they've got you trapped and you'll stay whatever they do.

I hope you're safe now. Or if you're still there, I hope you're making plans to leave.

Well men don't. Only abusers do.

Another factor that can be a first step to abuse is that men are used to solving problems practically, and there is often no logic or reason why a crying baby is crying. A lot of men can't cope with this