Is this depression?

[Loubee23]

Hi all

I don’t feel like myself.
I have been on anti depressants before for a year, but haven’t been on them for around 2 years.

I do suspect I’m suffering with depression again but I don’t feel like it did last time, I guess I do feel the same but with some extra things going on with myself

i just feel sad and down and I cry all the time. I don’t really know the reason for it.
I feel a bit like I’m at a brick wall and have no where to go, that I’m stuck.
I feel like I’m failing in life, I’m trying to build my beauty business but I have no strength or motivation to put the effort in…I was so passionate about this dream and I’ve given up.
I feel like I’m failing as a mum, I don’t have energy to play with the kids, I just want to sleep. The housework is always left, I just don’t want to do anything.
I used to like going to the gym and going for hikes but haven’t been for months because I just can’t be bothered basically.
I wasn’t excited for my holiday, I make plans with friends, like tonigh for instance I’m going the a Halloween event which I’ve been to before and absolutely loved it but just feel like I want to cancel and not bother.
I over react to everything especially when it comes to the guy I’m seeing which is pushing him away, he might make an innocent comment and in my head I think it means something else and I go mad at him.
I just get annoyed or wound up, or jealous, I feel insecure and not good enough.

This is not me. I’m usually a happy positive person, I always describe myself as the most laid back person ever but I’m so irritable and not laid back at all anymore.
I always thought I was a nice person to be around or be with but not now.

Im a single mum of 3, in the middle
of divorcing my ex who was super narcissistic. I do struggle financially but I try my best and I don’t really have any reason to be like this.

Does it seem like depression?

I say I’m not experiencing the same symptoms as last time as last time I used food and alcohol to make me feel better and I gained loads of weight, I still cried a lot and felt down but I didn’t act the way I’m acting now in terms of always over reacting to situations or overthinking,,, etc x

It could be or perhaps you're still not through the ordeal of your ex, like it's catching up in a way or another low dip?

I know mine turned my head inside out and I have been overthinking everything, feeling like I'm lost with no motivation for anything. I'm a father and only six months out and other stuff is going on thats adding to that but kinda sounds similar.

I keep thinking I'm getting somewhere and feel better but then something happens or something reminds me of something from before and shift right back again.

Sounds like it's potentially depression to me - the not wanting to do anything, taking no pleasure in things you usually would, low mood and snappiness.

I think divorce, even if it's a good thing for you, could be a reason. But depression doesn't really need a reason. 🙂

Depending on your age, could it be peri-menopause?

Worth getting yourself checked out at the doctors one way or another. 💐

It sounds very much like depression to me. You could always as your GP to arrange for you to be assessed by the mental health team (they are better qualified than a GP to make an accurate diagnosis and suggest treatment options).

It sounds to me like a totally normal response to your shitty situation with divorcing your ex whilst being a single mum to 3 kids, which is fucking exhausting at the best of times.

You said: Im a single mum of 3, in the middle of divorcing my ex who was super narcissistic. I do struggle financially but I try my best and I don’t really have any reason to be like this.

Give yourself the compassion to ‘be like this’ because, my god, I bet you’d totally understand if a mate felt like this in your shoes.

I don’t think it’s depression, I think it’s a coping mechanism to deal with what you described - checking out mentally and emotionally because everything is so draining at the moment.

You don’t need to experience depression in the same way like last time.
You aren’t the same person; your situation has changed too.

A lot of depressive episodes
are ‘situational’ @Rockgod
It is a coping mechanism and a body/mind reaction to difficult life phases and events.
It doesn’t make it any less of a depression.

And it doesn’t mean that one just needs to wait it out and suffer. ‘Just be like this’ - because it’s natural? - almost sounds like you are saying OP should embrace feeling like she isn’t herself.

OP - see a doctor. Do check your thyroids and other hormones to rule out other potential causes. And - if AD helped you last time - there is NO SHAME in using them.

@MMmomDD I meant more like acknowledge the situation you’re in financially, and with the horrible divorce etc, and allow that to be true. Give yourself permission to feel like that (rather than ‘I have no reason to feel like this’). Then everything can flow from there - seek support for the situation you’re in, deal with the root cause of these feelings.

Depression is suppression (of emotions, of reality etc). So do the opposite- bring compassion and awareness to your true feelings - anger, fear, shame, grief, etc.

@Rockgod

Depression is suppression if emotion - its a very simplistic way of thinking about it.
It suggests that all one needs to do -
is what you say: acknowledge your feelings,
change the situation and things will get magically better.

It might - when depression is in its light form. And even then it is helpful to see and talk to someone. Talk therapies work for that exact
reason.

But often - if you are prone to depression - and if it comes back with dramatic life events - divorces, life losses, financial difficulties,
other tragic events - acknowledgement alone doesn’t help go get through it. And you find yourself spiralling down with a full understanding of the cause - and with no ability to change external circumstances.

You seem to suggest that one shouldn’t seek medical help for depression. And just be aware of one’s true feelings.
I think it’s at best unhelpful, and at worst - dangerous advice.
Personally - I might not have been here now if i didn’t seek help and didn’t use medication when that was necessary.

I hear you @MMmomDD and I think we probably agree more than disagree. As long as OP sees both our points then hopefully she will get help now for the surface level ‘is this depression? Well go on we can call it that, go get some support for that’ and for the deeper level of ‘how am I coping with the situation I’m in and what is it triggering for me and can I bring some understanding and compassion into that and heal myself on a deeper level’ too.

Win-win.

I was thinking of how best to describe where I’m coming from and let’s try this analogy:

The lights go off in the house and it’s dark. OP asks mumsnet ‘is this a power cut?’ Everyone says ‘looks like it, get some candles lit, use a torch’. I’m saying ‘call the energy company, check the trip switches’. It’s not either/or. I’m saying the depression is a symptom of the problem you have in life right now.

OP, you've got a lot on your plate, and to me you do sound depressed. You don't have to feel the same as last time but the fact you feel no joy in anything is a good indicator. If antidepressants helped you before then they are definitely worth considering.
Please see your GP for a chat and also consider counselling. You could well benefit from that extra support in a safe space to express and unload all your worries.

@Rockgod

You speak like Tom Cruise did at some point when he was talking about women with PND.

OP knows what is triggering her. But there is no magical change to make a difficult divorce, 3 kids and financial struggles to be fixed. No amount of compassion to herself is going to change the situation.

If you have been depressed and coping strategies and reframing your thinking, getting in touch with your feeling helped you - its great.

I did that too. A few times when i was mildly depressed that was enough and it helped.

Then there were other times when coping strategies alone don’t work. It sounds like you’ve never been in that place.

Depression is more than suppression of emotion. It’s also chemical changes in the brain. And you can’t always walk it off