I don't know whether to leave - can the love ever come back?

[Cheeseonbagels]

Please be kind as I know I really do need constructive advice.

I love my husband but I just don't know if I'm in love anymore. I know love is a verb and I have been really, really trying. I began to have feelings for somebody else - nothing happened - and was honest with my DH as we were having issues and close to separating anyway. I do suffer with depression if this has any bearing on it.

DH and I decided to continue with our marriage as we have a young family. He is not a bad person at all, but it's almost like we are best friends. But the more I try, the more I feel are we delaying the inevitable?

I would never leave my DH for this other man, but I'm starting to wonder if I should for me. He wants to keep trying. Can romantic feelings come back? I feel too young to be feeling like this. We bicker about a lot of things, don't have much in common and we don't actually want to spend time together. We simply just exist...unless we're doing family things for the children.

Has anyone experienced this before and come back from this? I am not looking for Hollywood love, but I do want to feel in love with my DH.

Thank you.

I'm wondering the same. We are living separately and I am not in love and wondering if it will come back. He's a great guy I just don't feel it any more. I WANT to be back in love because he's a good one but I don't know how to make it happen :-/

Have just joined and reading a couple of old posts. Have you tried a week away from him to see how you feel during or after the time away?
I am in a similar situation, I'm not in love and we just co-exist. We have a young family and as per you, we do things for the LO.
I always put other people's feelings first before mine, and years ago it was a make or break situation when I found myself having feelings and love for somebody else. We had a week apart and it was heartbreaking to come to the conclusion that I had to split, yet I still haven't done it, and always wish I had gone the other way - my feelings for this other person are still there and stronger than ever before, but I had to tell him to move on and be happy with somebody else - I'm now living a lie and in love with somebody I can't be with, it's heart wenching.
Don't make the same mistake, I feel I've lost my opportunity to be happy in life.

I was in your position and left a year ago after 15 years together. It was very difficult but me and exdh both have new partners and co parent very amicably. I am happy in my bones and it feels so good.

It might be possible, it might not. We came back from it and are now stronger than ever. It's hard and tiring having small kids but it doesn't last for ever. My advice to reconnect: 1. make time as a couple, do things you used to do before kids. For us it was going to see live bands. 2. Go to bed at the same time as each other EVERY night. 3. Sex ban. Take sex completely off the table (even if you haven't had it in years) for a fixed amount of time, maybe one month. Be more affectionate, hold hands, kiss each other goodbye etc then maybe be a bit more flirty. Taking actual sex off the table can often give you the freedom to reconnect physically without the pressure of it leading anywhere. Good luck x

Get proper counselling, start from scratch. It is so easy to focus in kids and not each other, but you do need to prioritise each other too. SPARROW7 has some great tips