Awkward family situation involving SIL

[Lollyloup8]

Could do with some perspective on whether DH and I are right to avoid these people or if were being harsh..

DH and his sister are not close, we have young children of a similar age and we live in the same area but we don't really see them very often. There's no chemistry between us as couples and quite frankly her DH is a bit of an alcoholic and we struggle with him being quite rude and abrupt to converse with. SIL is a bit difficult as well and comes across quite competitive and shows little interest in other people.

SIL makes attempts to meet up with us every couple of months or so along with FIL and step-MIL, and it's usually "shall we all go for a meal?"
DH and I find it difficult having a sit down meal with toddlers and so we always use that as our excuse but really we don't particularly want to spend time with them as well.
We see FIL and Step-MIL on our own usually because it's easier for us and we have a better time.

Are we obliged to see family we don't get on with even when they keep pushing to meet?
Do we need to be honest with them or hope they get the message?

What effect would it have on the relationship with FiL and stepmother?

So step MIL isn't keen on them either and tells us she doesn't enjoy meeting up with them. But FIL is oblivious and thinks it's happy families, so it's awkward.

Honestly if their cousins are of similar age I would suck it up. They may very well have a good relationship with each other and I wouldn’t want my DC to miss out on the possibility of a close bond with cousins.

I would make an effort so the kids could have a relationship.
You don't have to be the best of friends.

I think it's sweet that she makes an effort. Maybe a different format, like doing something occasionally with the kids? Or your husband could meet up with her occasionally to foster a relationship for the cousins.
We weren't close to my Dad's nieces and nephews growing up, it was such a shame.

Meals can be a bit intense and hard work with little ones, would a trip to a park together or doing an activity the kids all enjoy be easier?

Just a thought if you would like to maintain a link but not commit to too much.

I would definitely make a bit of an effort but would suggest the park so it's not everyone sitting around chatting while attempting to eat but you can chat a bit, deal with kids etc and then make an escape if you need to.

I think it would be a shame to prevent the cousins having a relationship.

Do things as a family that you'd actually enjoy regardless of whether you like SIL and BIL...zoo/farm trip, bowling, steam train, pumpkin picking etc. Activities over meals.

Family is important - even if dh isnt especially close to her, she is his sister and barring any bad behaviour on her part, it's nice to keep ties to family. You probably wouldn't ever miss her, but your dh might one day.
I think a meal out is a good activity - everyone has something else to concentrate on so it isn't too intense. And it's just once every couple of months.

Fine not to want a relationship with a sibling, but there will be consequences to that that will make family relations more difficult for everyone and likely prove very upsetting for the parents. It doesn't sound like they've done anything particularly seriously wrong, you just don't like them, which is fair enough, but perhaps best just to suck up occasional meetups rather than create a load of unnecessary drama.

This needs to be your DH's call, not yours. Be careful not to pressure him.

Agree with this. Park or similar activity where you can just be around them chatting here and there rather than having to make conversation for 2 or so solid hours.

Yeah, it's a bit sad you don't want to make the effort really.

Think it's one thing not being close but I think it's a bit sad you can't face meeting them a couple of times a year when she's keen and hasn't done anything wrong.
All seems a bit mean spirited to me.