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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Helping an elderly hoarder - any success stories?

10 replies

TeaTowelScowl · 22/10/2023 15:04

My uncle hasn't been the same since his wife left him in the 00s. He's still in the house they shared together, and it is unbelievably cramped with rubbish. It's a big 3-bed house, and it honestly looks and smells like it hasn't been cleaned since his wife left 20 years ago.

It's not just the rubbish. The whole house is in a state of disrepair with damp and a leaky roof. The electrics don't work in some rooms too. Uncle doesn't have the money for the repairs. He owns the house.

He's now 65, and it's starting to show. However, no matter what we say or do, he will not engage with the conversation of moving house or even tidying it up.

One of the neighbors recently complained to my cousin about the state of the house, and I can see why. Even the garden is an overgrown mess and it looks out of place on an otherwise pretty street.

Does anyone have any suggestions or success stories? We don't know what to do Sad

OP posts:
DumbledoresWand · 22/10/2023 15:29

@TeaTowelScowl ...no answers I'm afraid, but a similar problem...
A family friend was widowed 7yrs ago. He was always a bit of a hoarder, but this is now creeping out of his garage into the house!...we have offered to help sort the garage to create some space, but there's usually an excuse why we can't come over to help.
Its like hes lost all interest in his house, isn't interested in enjoying his home.
He mostly keeps on top of the garden, and his car is always clean.... but the house just seems to be gradually getting worse :(

Louisetopaz21 · 22/10/2023 15:31

You need to get adult social care involved. Hoarding is classed as a mental disorder and it is likely that his executive functioning is impaired and likely able to do anything about his hoarding without professional help x

Grendell · 22/10/2023 15:41

Sometimes it is a code violation and the city or town can get the ball rolling.

Riverlee · 22/10/2023 15:54

We had a similar situation. We were told to make small changes, or changes over time, as doing it all at once is too stressful, and can affect their mental health.

Can you off to help, even if it’s mowing and tidying the front garden?

Pushkinini · 22/10/2023 15:59

DM is a hoarder. We involved adult social care and she currently has a support worker who comes once a week to help her sort and get rid of stuff. I think she's 6 weeks in and although the house isn't pristine, and probably never will be, a lot of stuff has gone and you can actually sit down again now. In our area this is council funded, but not sure how it works in other areas.

TammyJones · 22/10/2023 16:35

Louisetopaz21 · 22/10/2023 15:31

You need to get adult social care involved. Hoarding is classed as a mental disorder and it is likely that his executive functioning is impaired and likely able to do anything about his hoarding without professional help x

I knew a house that was cleared out twice .....it's just as bad now again.

Louisetopaz21 · 22/10/2023 18:16

TammyJones · 22/10/2023 16:35

I knew a house that was cleared out twice .....it's just as bad now again.

Show quote history

It is really complex and some social workers don't understand how to work with people in the most effective way so does not surprise me x

CaroleSinger · 22/10/2023 19:10

Google Diogenes or Senile Squalor Disorder. It really is a thing. This is an illness usually linked to a traumatic event - like your wife leaving you. The junk becomes all they have left and they will resist any attempt to remove it. There's a lot of denial involved in this too and it can be very hard to address. Even if you do finally get rid of some of the junk they will gradually replace it. I know you might not want to but adult social services see this all the time and may be able to put it to him in a way that he doesn't feel he is loosing control and get him to let them help to sort the mess out so that he can live more comfortably. But be aware, he won't see this as junk and he will view any attempt you make to help as interference. The more you bring it up, the more he will shut down. It really isn't an easy road. We had this with a downstairs tenant below my mum. The neighbours cleared skip loads of rubbish and paid for a cleaner but he wasn't keeping on to of it and started hoarding again. In the end we ended up with mice crawling through the floorboards. My mum was having chemo by then and I just could not allow the hoarding to effect us again after years of the smell so I contacted the council and he was eventually moved in to sheltered housing. It went on for years though sadly before that because like you, he just wouldn't engage. I feel for you xx

Original poster
TeaTowelScowl · 22/10/2023 19:22

Thanks for the insights everyone.

I probably should have mentioned; I'm certain that my uncle has undiagnosed ASD, which is part of the reason why his life has taken the path it has. We've tried to get him to get a diagnosis, but he's not interested. Sad

OP posts:
BMW6 · 22/10/2023 19:24

However, no matter what we say or do, he will not engage with the conversation of moving house or even tidying it up

There's your answer. Until he recognises that he has a problem there's nothing else to be done except report to Adult Social Services.

If he thinks you reported he may cut all contact with you.

It's very sad.

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