When will it get better - 2 years on…

[JessicaGerbil]

I’m 2 years on from separating from my ex husband. Ex hasn’t spoken to me since I left.

I am now functioning ok day to day, but I feel quite flat and sometimes really sad. I worry about the kids. I feel guilty - I left him but it was because of his emotional abuse (I think…I doubt myself so much even though I’ve had support from Women’s Aid). I feel lonely sometimes. I miss the good times - even though there were bad times it wasn’t always bad. Things feel harder now in a way. I’m finding it hard juggling work and the kids.

I just desperately want to feel better. I want to be happy again. I’m trying so hard but I just can’t seem to reach tye light at the end of the tunnel.

Does anyone have any advice?

Does he see the kids? How long were you together?
It's hard, especially where kids are involved. Took me ages to move on while he got with someone else and we still had to be amicable for our son,
I forced myself to go the gym and be the best person I'd ever been and I eventually found someone else. It will get easier

Together 15 years (since we were 20). Kids are 7 and 5. We have them 50/50 which I find really hard as I was primary carer before and he wasn’t really interested, but I know this is probably best for the kids now.

It’s not amicable unfortunately. He ignores me completely, won’t even talk to be or look at me even in front of the kids, at parents evening etc. He has now started responding to emails which is good. I guess they way he is behaving just makes me think I deserve it…

I just feel like I’m doing everything I should - therapy, exercise etc, but I’m not making any progress…

Perhaps a wee visit to your GP. It's easy for circumstances to pull us down even when the change is for the best.

Not being amicable with you is all he's got in the way of emotional abuse now. It hopefully reminds you what he was like and how it didn't have a future.

How much do you feel you do for yourself that you enjoy? Have you dated?

I guess they way he is behaving just makes me think I deserve it…

Stop that right there OP!

We can't control how someone behaves. That's on them.

Seeing as you got together at the age of 20 which is very young in today's world, I would urge you to seek some counselling for yourself. Because life is great when you are in charge of your own destiny.

I say we had to be amicable, he wouldn't talk to me, ignored all my messages, blocked my number on everything and had to email him as the only way of contacting him. But when we saw each other for our son we were amicable, I broke down every time I saw him for a long time after and we was only together 7 years. Took me 18 months to move on, even now on Whatsapp I can message him but he's changed his setting so I can't see his profile picture and we split 7 and a half years ago 🤔
Men like to have the upper hand and iv just learned not to be bothered by mind games and shit anymore they aren't worth it

This just popped up on my feed. How are you now @JessicaGerbil I feel like I could have written this post. Exactly same situation as you. Hope you have improved