How to leave DH

[presto32]

No abuse, nothing overwhelmingly bad but we have just grown completely apart with different hobbies, set of friends etc. literally just ships passing through every day. The only thing we talk about is the kids (6 and 3)

I want to initiate a separation but does anyone have any tips or suggestions? I want to minimise the fallout as much as possible

I have totally checked out of the relationship, it's been like this for the past year or so. I don't think I can or want to save it

Sounds like a lack of communication has been a major problem throughout your relationship. Perhaps you're fundamentally incompatible. Talking it through in a kind, calm and generous way has to be your first step. Don't press the nuclear button until you've had a proper talk going through all of the options (you may find your husband is oblivious to your feelings about the relationship). The most important thing for your children is coparenting well with your husband, not whether or not you live with him, and that begins with not being adversarial or getting into the blame game.

Great advice from @CalistoNoSolo.

You and your H took the decision to have children. The early years are incredibly demanding on relationships. It can feel really relentless. Many of us have felt the way you did for some of the time at this point in our relationships and got beyond it to rediscover loving and mutually supportive relationships with our partner. Some relationships are not worth preserving but when you have children you lose the right to just walk away without trying. But that’s what you’re proposing to do.

You have been able to have sex, get a home together, get married and have children. So now you have children it just doesn’t wash to say you’re both avoidant and can’t communicate. You’ve managed to do a whole bunch of things that have required proper communication. You need to talk this through, too. Properly. See if things can be fixed. And if not, work out how to co-parent amicably and reasonably.

Thanks for the advice all, agree will not press the nuclear button for now and take it one step at a time. Will look at counselling as well

Before you leave this relationship, sit with your partner in a quiet place(preferably away from home)and ask each other what has brought you to this stage of your relationship. Be brutally honest as your answers going forward could affect your children’s lives(perhaps for the better or not)depending on what you both decide. Ask yourselves have you really tried everything to make things work? Or did you just get into a comfortable routine somewhere along the way with children? At some point you used to flirt with each other, dated and fell in love.You used to love everything about this man. Can you think back to when it first started to change? For a lot of people it’s the pressure of having children. And although they aren’t the cause it’s the extra responsibility they bring that puts pressure on the relationship. One party feels more put on than the other and resentment starts to simmer and build up, rather than being dealt with at the time. Resentment is a passion killer to anything. But what if you started seeing the things you used to love come back out in this man? Perhaps he feels like you too. Maybe he’s missing the woman that he fell in love with and is simply using whatever tools he knows to get by day to day.
Whatever you decide please don’t resort to “he said she said”and name calling.Please keep the respect between you both for your family.
Could this relationship be healed? It’s down to you both. If you loved and cherished each other once, you can again. You just have to go back to where the magic started. 🙏

Where was the relationship when you were considering your second child?

I'm in the same situation OP and it's tough working out what to do 😞