Expressing a hurt

[JaneBostonBun]

In your relationship, what happens when you say "I felt upset by the thing you did (or said)" ?

I'm trying to get a sense of what's normal to expect.

Typically a defensive reaction. "I didn't mean it that way" or similar. No acknowledgement of offence caused and minimal empathy. I don't bother expressing my hurt anymore.

For the avoidance of any doubt, I don't believe this is the correct way at all!

Sigh. Yes, same here. Often followed up with an angry outburst if I try to insist on talking about it.

I'm trying to get a sense of what's normal to expect

Why? A healthy relationship is based on what you want, not what you think you should expect.

Do you feel comfortable with your partner's response? What would you prefer? Can you ask for that? What would happen if you did?

Those are healthier questions.

I'm assuming you want to be happy, rather than 'normal', and that if you were told that something that made you unhappy was normal, you'd still want it to change?

Usually if we say the other has said or done something hurtful then we just discuss it. Yes we might take offence at first, and maybe we’ll get a bit upset or annoyed, but it always ends in a calm discussion and both of us trying to see the others viewpoint. If there’s the need for an apology then that’ll happen too.
I don’t know if that’s normal but it’s definitely a nice way of dealing with things