When your husband jumps straight into a new relationship.../

[orangecandles]

Has this happened to anyone?

Zero healing time. Zero time to grow. Zero time to just be alone.

Straight back on the dating scene within days.

All while trying to tell me he's going to change of course. He will be a better husband. He knows he can do it....blah blah blah. But at least he will have a couple of back ups he can go too.

He has no where to live and pretty much lost everything. He needs someone. He cannot be alone.

But what does that say for our marriage? Fuck all I guess!

I don't completely blame him. I've done my therapy. The way I am comes from my childhood. The fact my parents didn't give me what I needed to become a healthy minded adult.

I am a complete people pleaser. An empath. I understand it.

That doesn't excuse what he has done to me though.

He requires accommodation, cooking, laundry, sex, etc.

This isn't new - she was around for some time and him accusing you of doing what he was doing was classic DARVO.

Let it go. He is OUT of your life and messing hers up now. Hopefully she doesn't have kids.

I might be inclined to warn her, in fairness, but that will of course be taken as crazy ex trying to sabotage. Your call.

You're free. Onwards and upwards and all the best.

Sadly, it is unlikely that he will ever admit he treated you badly or apologise for it. You need to move on and that means not monitoring his current life or his new relationship (which probably won't last, but whether it does or not, it isn't your problem).

Because MN seems incapable of thinking in greys rather than black and white.
When posters say ‘yes but you gave away your control’ what they mean is ‘it’s your fault. Shame on you. How dare you do that to yourself let alone to your dcs’. It’s often finger pointing and shaming. As if there could only be ONE person ‘at fault ’ never both.

Im happy that the part where the abused OP is told ‘it’s her fault too’ is been missed. When women are struggling to leave an abusive relationship, they don’t need posters to shame them. They need support. They need to be told they can do it, that they are strong enough. And more importantly, it needs to be said that the way their partner has acted IS NOT OK NOR ACCEPTABLE.

The ‘what part did I take in that’ comes later. Hopefully in therapy rather on here because let’s be honest, the finger pointing and shaming you often see is extremely damaging to someone just coming out of an abusive relationship. So let’s leave that to professional counsellors.

(which also means btw that you are right. There is an element of ‘letting it happen’. In any relationship issue, I believe there is always issues with behaviour on BOTH sides. But as I said, MN can’t seem to think in any other way than black and white)

The other problem with MN is that lots of us have our own baggage and experience which influences how we view situations - being someone who was abused or cheated on, someone who cheated, someone whose parents behaved in a certain way etc.

That's just us all being human and why, as as been pointed out, professional advice is often what's needed, not MN advice.

MN is at its best when posters offer support and that feeling that you aren't the only one who has experienced a crap situation and the positive view that you might also survive.