How do you know you are loved

[bored2345]

Hi all ,

Abit of a strange one here , how do you know you're loved by your partner. I've had what I would describe as a life without what I think is a little loveless a fair bit of trauma from SA from a family member. My twin brother is now estranged from me due to his severe mental health issues (his choice ). My parents love me but they don't say it or really show it in the traditional way. They have their own issues . I was bullied also very badly , then my best friend of 15 years ended up with my first serious partner . It was a blessing in the end . Then numerous men who cheated on me or were abusive . I'm now married have a successful business and 3 lovely dogs . No kids ( I'm scared something will go wrong ). I feel like I'm always doubting my marriage and I'm expecting something to go wrong . He's so handsome and such a lovely person but he's addicted to work . I can't remember when he last had a weekend off . He's now exhausted . (Project will be finished soon and he should have his weekends back ) I work from home in the middle of nowhere and I feel like im not sure what I should be expecting from him. What is normal ? Does it matter if he doesn't kiss me good night or isn't very loving when tired? Or that he doesn't want to walk the dogs or cook meals with me ? What does healthy love look like to you.
I show love by trying to fore-fill needs , hungry = food
Sad = happy day out
Overwhelmed = let's make a list and what can I do
Tired = I'll run you a bath and make the bedroom all cozy for your early nights.

I deal with my own needs I suppose because his plate is so full. I don't know what I'm really asking but I just feel Im looking for love but for my own version of love not the way he shows it . Even tho he will show it in buying me a vape on the way home 😂 talking my dad away to do his dream . Helping my mom with odd jobs, giving me his last penny if needed .

Maybe I'm needy and want more but I just never feel totally loved or secure. I can't ever remember feeling like that in my whole life . X

For me its primarily two things, I think. One is anything to do with touch, feeling physically connected in some way. All forms are good, I'm not fussy really. The other is thoughtful gestures, linked to a conversation or some understanding of emotional/mental state. I guess it shows, at least some of the time, I'm being heard and understood. I'm not expecting a mind reader, I just think when you spend time with someone, and take time to understand them then some things become reasonably clear.

I think its important, too, not to try and love someone else based on what works for me. I think its good to have a conversation like this with a partner, instead of trying to guess. I've had people try to show their love to me based on what worked for me, it had a detrimental effect on our relationship and I felt ignored when I tried to explain this to her several times

I don’t think it’s completely the answer but you could consider the love languages test which tells you how you like to receive or give love - it doesn’t sound like your husband is meeting all your needs at the moment