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Original poster

Not heard from friend for 6 months

22 replies

Tulpenkavalier · 22/10/2023 00:32

Name changed for this...

I considered her a very close friend and I thought she felt the same way. We'd known each other for about 10 years and we'd see each other 1-2 a month, either at my home or going out to the cinema, movies, dinner etc. Shared many intimate conversations about our similar, difficult family experiences.

Back in April, we went out to dinner and then saw a movie, but I suddenly felt extremely ill (food poisoning) and had to leave. This is highly unusual for me. Normally I'd just pull myself together, but on this occasion - and being 90 minutes on public transport away from home - I just couldn't. Up until that point everything had seemed completely normal.

I updated her the next morning and apologized, again, and she sent a sympathetic post. After that I twice asked whether she wanted to get together. First response: 'sorry I'm busy'. Second: no reply. Since then, end of May: nothing........ crickets.

I don't know how I might have upset her so much and I really thought we both valued our friendship and enjoyed each other's company.

I often think of sending another message, but then I think she would have responded if she wanted to stay in touch.But I am just totally puzzled, confused, unable to figure out why she would suddenly drop me.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 22/10/2023 00:36

Maybe send her a message asking how she is? If my good friend suddenly went silent on me I'd be concerned for their welfare.

If she gets on touch you can question what's happened the last six months.

If she doesn't then you can only hope she's ok and move on.

Original poster
Tulpenkavalier · 22/10/2023 15:06

Thanks.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
Wavessea · 22/10/2023 15:15

do you really want to be friends with someone who is so off?

1975wasthebest · 22/10/2023 15:19

Anything could have happened to her so I think best to keep an open mind and that sending one more message would be wise. Is she active on WhatsApp?

Catsafterme · 22/10/2023 15:22

The only thing I can say is having been married to someone like that, move on. It may not be the case as mine was a particular way but there may be another side that you haven't seen before and now you are out of favour you are not deemed worthy.

You may not be the only one, it was a recurring theme of knowing people were trying to get in contact or talk but she enjoyed the feeling of erasing people without any closure and leaving them in eternal suspense.

A real friend wouldn't do that, I would say don't message again.

Original poster
Tulpenkavalier · 22/10/2023 15:38

She is active on WhatsApp.

I've thought about sending a message but then I think if she wanted to stay in touch she would have responded 6 months ago. I guess what I'm asking is how to word a message so it might elicit a positive response.

For whatever reason - and I simply cannot fathom why! - she decided blank me... So my rational brain says she has her reasons so don't bug her. But we always seemed to get on so well...

It's just hard to let go.

OP posts:
Catsafterme · 22/10/2023 15:42

If you want to send a message, I would say keep it short like 'Hi, hope you are okay, how are things with you?'.

Doesn't reply still then you know where stands.

Fusterclucked · 22/10/2023 15:45

I would send her a brief message, “hi, hope you are ok, it’s been a while. Sending lots of love”

then she can either respond or not, sometimes so much time passes that it feels weird and someone just needs to break the ice. Give it a chance, her response, or lack of, will tell you all you need to know.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 22/10/2023 15:53

Perhaps she was going through some personal difficulties at the time? Perhaps she was unwell ?

I would just message her saying hi, how are things, hoping she is OK etc

Wavessea · 22/10/2023 15:55

I really wouldn’t engage. She’s not a friend.
no real friend would make you worry like this.
I had a very long standing ‘friend’ who I realised wasn’t a friend at all. She would weirdly play games and ignore my messages for weeks and then only contact me when she wanted something.
I realised that the entire decade of our friendship was built on what she wanted and when she wanted it
it was a bitter pill to swallow.

Original poster
Tulpenkavalier · 22/10/2023 16:02

I don't think my friend would play games.

She knows that if she'd had issues of any kind I'd have been there to help.

Her blanking me is just so out of the blue and out of character.

I guess I'm looking for a non-pushy way of giving her an opportunity to save our friendship. Or to just let it go.

OP posts:
Jewelspun · 22/10/2023 16:03

Let it go. She has the means to contact you and hasn't.

fruitbrewhaha · 22/10/2023 16:04

So you’ve been good friends for years. Left early one night and messaged sorry, she said no probs. You messaged once and she was busy, and you’ve only sent one message to which she didn’t reply since May? Maybe she didn’t see that message, I’ve overlooked messages. Have you not thought to drop her a line or call?

etherealfae · 22/10/2023 16:07

i've got this exact situation with my best friend.. haven't spoke to him properly in over 3 years. i text him all the time and he never responds. i've even had a baby and nothing... all i've heard from him is one text last year the day after my baby shower of him apologising and telling me he'd been in a psych unit. since then nothing ... it hurts a lot but what can ya do

theduchessofspork · 22/10/2023 16:09

Fusterclucked · 22/10/2023 15:45

I would send her a brief message, “hi, hope you are ok, it’s been a while. Sending lots of love”

then she can either respond or not, sometimes so much time passes that it feels weird and someone just needs to break the ice. Give it a chance, her response, or lack of, will tell you all you need to know.

This if you want to be generous, but that’s last chance.

I would probably call it now. It’s not you it’s her.

It’s not worth the drama.

ElleCapitaine · 22/10/2023 16:10

I’d give it one more go - just a breezy ‘Hey, we haven’t had a catch up in ages. Do you fancy lunch/dinner/movie next week or the week after?’ If she doesn’t respond it’s safe to assume you’ve been ghosted.

TammyJones · 22/10/2023 16:22

Tulpenkavalier · 22/10/2023 16:02

I don't think my friend would play games.

She knows that if she'd had issues of any kind I'd have been there to help.

Her blanking me is just so out of the blue and out of character.

I guess I'm looking for a non-pushy way of giving her an opportunity to save our friendship. Or to just let it go.

Don't be too sure
I had a friend
She loved me
Know each other well over 50 years
Then one date defriended and blocked - no argument had occurred
So you never know
Let it go
Live your best life.

GreyCarpet · 22/10/2023 16:24

Sometimes life gets in the way akd then it feels like too long has passed. And then even longer has passed and you realise that touch time hadn't passed previously but now it feels like it really has...

Livelovebehappy · 22/10/2023 16:43

Like other pps have suggested, I would give it one more try, if only to bring total closure to the situation in your mind, and you’re not regretting in the future that you didn’t try again. Just send her a message saying “hey, not seen you for ages. Miss our catch ups. Do you want to meet up for a meal/coffee next week?” If she doesn’t respond, then just delete her number so you’re not tempted to go there again, and move on with your life.

Original poster
Tulpenkavalier · 22/10/2023 18:06

Thanks everyone. I'm swaying between giving it one more try versus thinking she would contact me if she wanted...

Also wondering if others have experienced similar, and how did it all pan out?

OP posts:
Fusterclucked · 22/10/2023 18:59

I’m that person that always breaks the ice/gives it another chance. So, sometimes it works and friendship is reignited and other times it’s clear I’ve been ditched. But at least I know I’ve tried. I would do it. Send the message

TortolaParadise · 24/10/2023 23:22

Tulpenkavalier · 22/10/2023 18:06

Thanks everyone. I'm swaying between giving it one more try versus thinking she would contact me if she wanted...

Also wondering if others have experienced similar, and how did it all pan out?

Had this twice and never heard from either again. Moved on. Nothing odd as folk!

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