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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Self worth

9 replies

redvelvet77 · 21/10/2023 21:41

How do I find my self worth?

Why do I always end up in relationships when I don't feel valued?

I was cheated on 8 years ago when I was 7 months pregnant with our very much wanted 2nd baby. Just feel damaged since then and seem to be in a cycle of meeting men who treat me like rubbish.

OP posts:
Mamma2017 · 21/10/2023 21:47

Counselling to explore yourself, your attachment style, boundaries in relationships and reasons behind your feelings of low self worth. You are definitely worth it!!

IDidntKnowMyOwnStrength · 21/10/2023 21:49

It should be an honour for a man to have a place in your life, he in causes you drama or distress get rid of immediately. Surround yourself with people who have healthy self esteem. Become your own best friend, most women are at war with themselves. Protect your heart and your own sanity. Learn to love how to be alone, your sense of self worth will rocket when you are self sufficient and realise nobody else can look after you like you can. Speak kindly to yourself, lose the sense of shame, love all your flaws and the reflection staring back at you. Love your uniqueness and all your quirks.
Show other people how to treat you by the way you treat yourself.

Original poster
redvelvet77 · 21/10/2023 21:50

I feel I've done all that. But obviously it's not helped and I don't know what else I can do.

OP posts:
Original poster
redvelvet77 · 21/10/2023 21:51

@IDidntKnowMyOwnStrength that made me cry.

OP posts:
SofiYol · 21/10/2023 21:51

What was your self worth like before the relationship where he cheated?

You say men treat you like rubbish - what happens when you see the first red flag, that first niggle? What do you do?

Original poster
redvelvet77 · 21/10/2023 21:53

@SofiYol i stay and try a fix things. I see the good in everyone and I forgive too easily.

OP posts:
Mamma2017 · 21/10/2023 22:03

redvelvet77 · 21/10/2023 21:50

I feel I've done all that. But obviously it's not helped and I don't know what else I can do.

Were you with the right counsellor? Makes all the difference

SofiYol · 21/10/2023 22:06

Yep, I get it and I was exactly the same.

The thing is when you do that you’re giving them the green light to treat you poorly. You need to have boundaries, and when someone crosses them that’s it. No second chances. If you’re not the one causing the problem, you shouldn’t be trying to fix anything. Men that need fixing should be avoided at all costs - you’re not a rehabilitation centre for broken men.

I think maybe a break from dating would do you good, start working on your boundaries and your self worth will improve no end. Really think about what behaviour you will and won’t tolerate, what your lines are and stick to them.

Have you read Women Who Love Too Much? If not please do x

HowdidIgethereblownaway · 21/10/2023 22:08

Dear sofiyol,
No more men, ok? I'm with you, lets both do this.
You sound great and lovely, and a mum, so am I. We need to love ourselves, alone, being a mum, it is better for any child, to not have new man come into their lives. Think of that, any time you feel you might fall for one of those, mostly useless, difficult chores of human beings. (I have brothers and a lovely dad, so I know they are not all like that, but still, living with them is too much)
You are much better off without them around you. Use them what they are good for, be honest about that. And go home, enjoy your clean, nice looking house, and calm, at ease kids😄

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