Addicted

[nottryingtolecture]

I am infatuated with my manager. I'm married and have young children.

I'm in quite a vulnerable place at work and at home, the kids are young, we have limited family help and when I'm at work, I get all this attention and we can talk without interruption.

I love my husband but of course it's not easy at home.

I want to stop but I feel like a drug addict.

Look up limerance, it sounds like that's what you're experiencing. Can you switch teams at work? Why are you vulnerable? Is there anything you can do to to improve that?

I want to stop but I feel like a drug addict

But drug addicts can stop if they choose to, so feeling like one isn't an excuse or reason to carry on.

When you say you're vulnerable, what do you mean? Vulnerable to what?

She says emotionally , young children. Vulnerable to having her head turned I assumed

If you are having sex with your manager you should be honest with DH, he deserves to know the truth at least.

If it is just flirting you should stop before it escalates.

@Doggymummar

I hope OP will answer for herself, rather than have other people guess her feelings.

She's not said she's shagging him, she's said she's pretty much obsessed with him.

Time away from him is the key, been through the feeling myself and distanced from him. It's so hard cos it's a nice feeling but also feels wrong.

Nothing has ever happened. I just find myself thinking of him a lot and this craving feeling.

Vulnerable in the sense of being on a temporary contract. On the lowest rung, also with a lot of requirements. Trying to get a permanent post.

There was a lot of problems with staff when I started at work and he helped me a lot. 🙈

It is limerence. Look it up. It feels like addiction because your brain chemistry changes in limerence and you become addicted to the adrenalin and dopamine rush. It means nothing. It will fade.

Funny how when women post about this, limerance is often mentioned. But if it was a man posting the same thing, he would just be a scum bag!

Crushes are ok OP, most people in long term relationships will have a crush on someone else at some point, but this sounds like you're using your crush as an escape from difficulties in your real life.

If you're spending a lot of 1:1 time with this man you're bordering on emotional affair territory already. Ask yourself when you interact with your manager "would I be comfortable with my husband interacting with another woman in this way?". If the answer is no, you're already overstepping. .

You're also putting yourself in an even more precarious position professionally than you're already in. If you're on a temporary contract you should be on your best behaviour, not making doe eyes at the boss. Because if anyone gets a whif of anything between you and your manager you'll most likely be given the boot. It's easier and safer for him. Don't allow yourself to be lulled into a false sense of "I'm safe because he likes me and will take care of me" - 9/10 he'll protect his own arse before yours.

It might be worth trying to address what's missing in your life that's making you seek attention elsewhere.

I feel for you Op, I’ve had this and it’s the pits. I think I have adhd which makes this sort of thing more common. It honestly felt like it took over my life, wasn’t eating or sleeping properly. It’s taken a good 2 months to get over.
It doesn’t feel like it now but you will get over it.
Keep busy, try and think about something else when the intrusive obsessive thoughts come, and just trust that you will get over him. Good luck.

@VeridicalVagabond I think it's my relationship with my husband. I'm so tired of thinking of everything relating to the house and the kids. My husband feels like an extra child and I'm quite frankly done.

When my manager asks if I need anything or thanks me for something, it feels so good. It feels so good to be cared for. That someone else is in charge.

I don't want to be the manager anymore but I've also got shit that I want to do if that makes sense.