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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The most important relationship lesson I've learned...

13 replies

GreyCarpet · 21/10/2023 17:13

At the grand old age of 49, I've realised that the most important relationship lesson I've personally learnt is that if it's not a yes, it's a no.

And, for me, it really is as simple as that.

OP posts:
Rania78 · 21/10/2023 17:18

I am 45 and the lesson I have learnt is put yourself as a priority and don’t trust anyone. No matter how much you love your partner you may end up betrayed so always look afrer yourself and make sure you are independent.

Original poster
GreyCarpet · 21/10/2023 17:21

Rania78 · 21/10/2023 17:18

I am 45 and the lesson I have learnt is put yourself as a priority and don’t trust anyone. No matter how much you love your partner you may end up betrayed so always look afrer yourself and make sure you are independent.

Edited

Yeah, sadly that's another one I've learned too!

Very wise to keep 'yourself' going no matter how great a relationship seems! Never want to be in a position where I'm trapped in a relationship because I don't feel I can leave.

OP posts:
ShinyBandana · 21/10/2023 17:23

I learnt that what they say and what they do have to match.

EVHead · 21/10/2023 17:23

I’m 57 and I’ve learned that I’m shit at picking men so best steer clear! Quite happy at home with my crocheting. 🧶

Fahbeep · 21/10/2023 17:23

Listen, and realise that both of you will be wrong some of the time, and apologise to each other when it's due.

Myyearmytime · 21/10/2023 17:24

My life lesson is do I really want to live with someone ?
Err no
I can afford to live alone so I am going to do so
With my dog of course ..

BetterPlease · 21/10/2023 17:39

Strong boundaries.
You cannot change anyone.
Pick your battles.
Know for certain you will always be fine single.
Make sure your partner is on your level.
Do not give more than you can afford to loose.
Ask for what you want directly and clearly.
Do not let your self care slide for anyone.
Have a leaving fund.
Romance can blind you and is not always needed.
Sometimes, it is appropriate to put someone in their place.
A lifetime relationship is not the be all and end all.
Always get out while the going is good.
Be consistent.

FlorenceBoot · 21/10/2023 17:42

Don't LTB just because Mumsnet tells you to. Work on it!

Catsafterme · 21/10/2023 18:23

If someone says they want to spend the rest of their life with you but also take steps to change who you are, it's not genuine.

Communication is healthy, if you can't communicate or resolve things because they refuse to or are incapable, it will end badly.

SpringleDingle · 21/10/2023 18:32

If he wanted to he would…

Rania78 · 21/10/2023 18:33

SpringleDingle · 21/10/2023 18:32

If he wanted to he would…

That’s also spot on! If a man wants you he will turn the world upside down to pursue you.

pinkyredrose · 21/10/2023 18:34

Don't pay too much attention to what people say. Look at what they do instead.

Bluela18 · 21/10/2023 18:37

Definitely either you are both in and they want to make it work with you otherwise it's a waste of time

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