Advice please, emotional abuse?

[BabyUxX]

Hi everyone
I'm a 27 year old mum, I currently live with my partner of 3 years, and I'm just wanting someone to give me some advice please, I need someone to listen to what I have to say and tell me if it's normal or not because honestly, I'm not sure any more.
So my partner has always been a drinker and always smoked weed / drugs when he is with his brother or his friends ( not in our home ) and around 6 months ago is when I noticed a big change in him with me, he started to become more angry and snapping at things and would genuinely never be in a good mood, after work I never knew what to expect from him mood wise. Anyway, he said he would stop it one night he was crying and said I don't deserve to put up with this, I do because I love him but I said I can only take so much, he stopped alcohol and smoking weed and hasn't done this for around 3 weeks. In these 3 weeks, my life has been very hard 😔 most days its been arguments over nothing, some examples: if I nip over to my friends house (she's my neighbour) for more than 15 minutes he will start messaging me being funny with me. One time I nipped over to give my child their pyjamas as she was staying the night and my friend made me a cup of tea. I knew I shouldn't of accepted it because when I got home he was so mad with me because I apparently should be spending time with him on a night time and no one else. I cried and cried that night because I feel I can't do anything right. Another time, I went upstairs to lay down on my phone whilst he was playing the xbox downstairs. He came upstairs and was angry with me because I had been upstairs on my own instead of coming back down to him. I explained I thought he was playing the game, he said he only played 1 game and then sat waiting for me and I was in the wrong for being on my own instead of with him. He says he wouldn't be so angry if I just told him everything I am doing. I spent all night crying again. He says he's not emotionally abusing me I'm just too sensitive and he can't say anything without me crying. But that's because I feel so sad and so low, I feel if I say or do something wrong that's it he will be mad with me. Please can someone tell me if this is normal because I'm questioning weather its me or not that's making him be like this towards me, I feel lost. Thank you xx

I'm so sorry OP, this is 100% emotional abuse. He needs to leave, now.

Also to add, he is always giving me sly digs, and telling me the cleaning I am doing is never enough. He says the house is horrible 24-7 even when I have cleaned all day. He also says one thing and then says another, for example I went to asda with the children, to save him from going after work. I came home and was greeted with him fuming with me because my phone had died and I couldn't tell him I'd gone to asda so he got mad because I shouldn't let my phone die. 😔 so the other day after that. I wasn't feeling well, I didn't go asda that day and waited for him to come home so we could go together. Wrong move again, he shouted at me because he was tired and didn't want to go back out. 😪

Yes he is abusive. You need to get away. While you plan your escape, ring the police if you are ever scared of him.

I have been in therapy a while now because I am leaving my husband after being in your exact position. I felt he was being unfair but he was so adamant I was to blame I started to believe it,.

I have learnt there are certain things they all say.

when you do xxxxx, I see red and get angry (ie it’s your fault I’m angry).

I just can’t seem to ever make you happy(ie I won’t do the simple things you ask of me)

Dont be a nag or needy (Don’t ask me to do anything for you).

Youre too sensitive (no you are just reacting in a way that’s a normal response to his behaviour)

If you find yourself thinking “if only I could find the right set of words to explain how I feel he would understand. (He does understand, but if he admits it then he will have to change his behaviour and he doesn’t want to do that.)

Please, please understand. He will not be telling you the truth. He knows what he is doing. He doesn’t want to play fair. It suits him to have you scared and confused - it gives him all the power.

There’s a book I was recommended The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. It really helped me.