Silly question about messaging after first date - is it my turn?

[MonikerBing]

So I should be old enough to know better about this but I wonder if I should message.

We had an amazing first date on Weds evening. Got on really well. Lots of snogging, lots of talk about another date (although no firm date). He messaged me when he got home but I didn't see it until the next morning (Thursday - it was a lovely, very flattering message). I responded Thursday morning just saying I had lovely time and felt a bit ropey (wine was consumed). He responded soon after saying he felt similar but was drinking coffee. I didn't respond and got involved in work.

Didn't hear anything yesterday. I'm wondering whether I should message him (as he messaged last!). But keen not to push him into another date that he's not 100% up for - became aware of the 3 day rule yesterday too, so maybe I should wait? I am still active on dating sites and have some other dates lined up, so not hugely overinvested, but I did like him....

I would.

Yes I think if you like him you should message him first now; you responded the next day first as you didn’t see the message (which is fine but he might think that’s an excuse) and didn’t respond to his last message. So yeah, I think you should let him know you’re interested.

Arrange another date??

I wouldn't. If he is truly interested in you he will push for another date. Keep dating others and don't over invest on anybody just because you like the person.

Yes, if he messaged last and you didn’t reply yet obviously it’s your turn to respond next!

I only just realised that I messaged last and that he might be expecting a message from me.....

As a general rule, alternate messages make sense so it's your 'turn'. Don't overthink or worry about rules. Why would you not reply?

Could you message with a breezy chat about plans for the weekend- and then he might suggest a date?

I think that might be the case. I’d go for the “how’s your weekend looking?” message. Opens the conversation as it’s your turn, gives him a chance to ask you out, doesn’t seem too desperately fishing. Then take it from there based on his reply.

I would send a simple message "would you like to meet up again for drinks/dinner?". If he says yes, great, if he says no, then you've got other dates lined up anyway.

(Personally) I don't think it's really worth getting tangled up in the who messaged last/three day rule/don't to look desperate school of thought! If you like him, ask him :-)

If you like him, forget about stupid 'rules' you read about online and message him. He's probably thinking you're not that interested by now since you haven't responded to his last message.

Lost track.of who messaged last but yes- breezy message about the weekend is fine either way. Thing is don't either let momentum piddle off into nothing on your turn or come on too intense. Alternation is a decent rule of thumb but it doesn't really matter. Just message and see how that goes. If not much response then move on. Don't make it more than it is after one date.

I spent three years off and on OLD. It really doesn't matter who messages who. If he is interested and you are interested then a second date will be easy to arrange - just message!

I'm confused by your message about who messaged last, but if he messaged last, then you need to message him back... surely that's blindingly obvious?!

If someone didn't respond to my message, I'd think they weren't into me... because 99% of the time that'll be the case!

And if you want to meet him again, message him and see how he responds... Life's too short for playing second guessing via WhatsApp.

Didn't hear anything yesterday. I'm wondering whether I should message him (as he messaged last!).

Even if you do message now, he will think you're messing him around unless you apologise for taking two days to reply, explaining why... Think how you'd feel if you messaged a guy and he didn't respond for a couple of days?

the thing I have realised recently is that you don't want to date a guy that has "game". You just want to date someone that thinks you are great, texts you when they feel like it and they are just upfront about wanting to see/speak/text you - because they are keen. If he likes you, he will be delighted you suggested something / were keen to meet.

Although there is generally some truth in the don't keep texting after two messages that havent been replied to.

If you like the guy I suggest
Message the guy, ask him for another date and forget the games or rules.

No don’t forget the rules! Because the rules here say if you left him on read, you should text back or he’s probably assuming you’re not interested!

Please don’t try to play by any dating ‘rules’. Any man worth his salt won’t be put off my a woman simply texting when she wants to. Any other kind of guy is bad news.

I hate all these rules, if you want to message him just do it. I bet my right arm he's not sitting at home studying the rule book on who messages next. Just enjoy the moment, if you want to be completely wild send him 2 messages.

Yes I agree with other a simple message asking how his week is going and what his weekend plans are to get the chat going again.

Personally I have no idea what the 3 day rule is and don’t care. If I’ve had a good date, I’ll keep the chat flowing. If he doesn’t respond I’ll let it go and move on but that works both ways .

So who messaged last?
If him, yes message him back, something lighthearted. I think you're really overthinking this...

yes I messaged last! I had forgotten that though when I was wondering why I hadn't heard from him.

Anyway, I sent him a breezy message, and had a bit of a text exchange and we're trying to find a day later in the week. So all good! Thanks everyone.