Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boss says odd things around me

28 replies

Tapasita · 20/10/2023 20:19

My boss is a genuinely nice guy, he’s a great manager & we all feel very supported by him. I am on friendly terms with him and he cares about his team and our collective well-being. He can take a joke, and we can all have a good laugh with him. He’s a very down to earth sort of person actually and likes honesty and transparency. All good.

But…..& it’s a big but as I can’t work it out…….I’ve noticed right from
the get go that he repeats certain strange things to me almost in passing conversation and they seem so oddly out of place. He’ll always mention his wife, nearly always, whenever we’re talking - it’s bizarre and has no bearing on the conversation at hand. He recently told me I’m not his type (we were joking around and he just dropped it in there.) He makes negative comments about my choices if we go out for a lunch or get together as a team at the pub - “no food just drinking” was one comment (I only had a Corona - just one.) He observed that it was my fault once when I ordered the wrong dish (I’m a vegetarian but misplaced my order & had to send it back as it had meat in it.) He had a strop when I didn’t respond immediately to his offer of a one to one support session & I was told my my line manager to get back to him asap.

I’m actually finding it a bit hard to manage him, and his strange behaviour. I’ve booked a Christmas do for the team this year and he’s like a puppy dog over it, ridiculously excited, sending everyone pictures of drinks and so forth. Im a bit drained …… what’s going on and what to do??

OP posts:
CesareBorgia · 20/10/2023 20:21

He sounds like an attention-seeker, constantly trying to get a reaction, any reaction, from anyone.

Distance yourself from him and don't engage other than in a professional way.

StarTrek6 · 20/10/2023 20:44

He has a crush on you and is pretending he hasn't - hence the mention of his wife so often - an attempt to make it look like his interest is in her and not you.

RubyBoozeDay · 20/10/2023 20:51

Be 100% professional. Don't respond to his silliness. No more joking around. He's your boss.

Frasers · 20/10/2023 20:53

StarTrek6 · 20/10/2023 20:44

He has a crush on you and is pretending he hasn't - hence the mention of his wife so often - an attempt to make it look like his interest is in her and not you.

I think it’s the opposite. The ops got a crush on him and that’s what she wants to hear. He’s mentioning his wife as he’s telling her he’s not interested.

cornflower21 · 20/10/2023 20:59

StarTrek6 · 20/10/2023 20:44

He has a crush on you and is pretending he hasn't - hence the mention of his wife so often - an attempt to make it look like his interest is in her and not you.

I agree with this.

cornflower21 · 20/10/2023 21:00

Or the opposite he thinks or someone told him that you have a crush on him, therefore his actions.

ShouldGoToBed · 20/10/2023 21:06

I would just take a bit of step back from him, he sounds very unprofessional and needy. If you stop rewarding him with attention hopefully he’ll move on to someone else.

Olika · 20/10/2023 21:12

StarTrek6 · 20/10/2023 20:44

He has a crush on you and is pretending he hasn't - hence the mention of his wife so often - an attempt to make it look like his interest is in her and not you.

This came to my mind too.

teoma · 20/10/2023 21:19

I would just keep professional. It doesn’t sound like a big deal what you describe - just an asshole generally.

Tortugaa · 20/10/2023 21:22

Yeah I do get the sense you want us to say he fancies you. Maybe he does, or maybe he thinks you fancy him that’s why he’s mentioning his wife!!

Maybe it’s just his personality and he likes talking about his wife….

Id stop over analysing and get on with your job tbh. Life is too short to waste stressing about a married man and nothing he’s doing sounds difficult to handle.

Frasers · 20/10/2023 21:28

Tortugaa · 20/10/2023 21:22

Yeah I do get the sense you want us to say he fancies you. Maybe he does, or maybe he thinks you fancy him that’s why he’s mentioning his wife!!

Maybe it’s just his personality and he likes talking about his wife….

Id stop over analysing and get on with your job tbh. Life is too short to waste stressing about a married man and nothing he’s doing sounds difficult to handle.

That’s what I think. When a man fancies a woman they seldom repeatedly mention their wife, it’s the opposite. They do it when they want to signal they aren’t available

and the op is over analysising.

op have you a crush on him?

EarringsandLipstick · 20/10/2023 21:56

@Frasers

I disagree. An immature man with a crush is very likely to be mentioning his wife, overly-insisting that someone isn't his type, and generally acting the idiot in an effort to get attention.

He more than likely doesn't really expect anything to happen, he's just enjoying the idea of you fancying him / vice versa.

He doesn't sound like a good boss. Any good boss wouldn't behave like this.

Strictly professional, don't encourage him or engage with him beyond usual workplace interactions.

Frasers · 20/10/2023 22:01

EarringsandLipstick · 20/10/2023 21:56

@Frasers

I disagree. An immature man with a crush is very likely to be mentioning his wife, overly-insisting that someone isn't his type, and generally acting the idiot in an effort to get attention.

He more than likely doesn't really expect anything to happen, he's just enjoying the idea of you fancying him / vice versa.

He doesn't sound like a good boss. Any good boss wouldn't behave like this.

Strictly professional, don't encourage him or engage with him beyond usual workplace interactions.

Then we need to agree to disagree. I work in a male dominated industry and this is my take . I think the op is over analysing as she’s a crush she doesn’t wish to admit and is hoping people like you will say he fancies her.

Masterofhappydays · 20/10/2023 22:53

I’ve known men in the past mention their girlfriend or wife in an attempt to disguise their crush. Almost as though they’re convincing or reminding themselves. Usually they do this when they think there’s no chance of getting with their crush.

Then there’s the opposite, where they will do anything to hide and not mention their wives or girlfriends. These are the ones who’ll usually try it on with their crush.

He seems very observant of you OP, I do think he may have a crush on you. Just don’t go there. Stay professional and ignore. What do you respond when he just randomly says you’re not his type?

EarringsandLipstick · 21/10/2023 05:03

I think the op is over analysing as she’s a crush she doesn’t wish to admit and is hoping people like you will say he fancies her

Pretty big leap from you on no evidence.

I don't see where she's 'hoping' anyone will say she fancies him?

In fact, my post made it clear, that if he does, it's not a good position for the OP to be in as he sounds both unprofessional and immature, a bad combination in a boss.

autiebooklover · 21/10/2023 06:46

Maybe with all the joking around he's worried you fancy him?

Original poster
Tapasita · 21/10/2023 08:47

@Frasers

Just to clarify - I definitely don’t have a crush on him. I would have added this to the post otherwise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tapasita · 21/10/2023 08:51

@autiebooklover

Your advice is good advice - I think I will stop joking alongside him and the rest of the team as maybe it’s being misinterpreted. I am very professional and do not want any bad feeling in my team, plus I really like my team so it seems natural to have a laugh sometimes. I actually feel a bit annoyed that I’ve got to stop being my genuine friendly self because of this. Bloody men

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 21/10/2023 10:09

I’ve got to stop being my genuine friendly self because of this

You can still do this. Just superficially, and limited to usual workplace interactions.

If he oversteps, push back professionally. Don't indulge him.

GreigeO · 21/10/2023 10:13

I read your title and straight away thought ‘she wants us to say he’s got a crush on her’ 🤣

EarringsandLipstick · 21/10/2023 10:30

GreigeO · 21/10/2023 10:13

I read your title and straight away thought ‘she wants us to say he’s got a crush on her’ 🤣

That's some assumption? On her title alone?

MistletoeHolly · 21/10/2023 11:03

My boss does this as well. He jokes around a lot and seems to want attention from me whenever he is around. I have caught him checking me out on numerous occasions, goes awkward and silent if I don’t give him attention. There’s more but I cannot be bothered to list it all.
fwiw, i desperately fancy him to (wish I didn’t). We’re both married. I don’t want an affair just want the validation I’ve still got it, so to speak. It’s a horrible situation to be in as nothing good can come from it either way. feel like I’m wasting my life away looking forward to small snippets of time when I get to see him, and if nothing happens I feel down.

EarringsandLipstick · 21/10/2023 13:25

@MistletoeHolly

That's a mess. Move jobs, if you are unable to behave professionally & separate out what's going on.

This has disaster written all over it. You shouldn't be looking for validation that you've still 'got it' from your boss.

MistletoeHolly · 21/10/2023 16:19

EarringsandLipstick · 21/10/2023 13:25

@MistletoeHolly

That's a mess. Move jobs, if you are unable to behave professionally & separate out what's going on.

This has disaster written all over it. You shouldn't be looking for validation that you've still 'got it' from your boss.

Yes I know it’s a mess. I’m trying to “go off” him so to speak. It’s not easy. It’s not about him really, it’s all about me feeling desirable. I didn’t look twice at him for the first two years - the attention got to me. I try and avoid him - it’s not hard if I really want to.

theduchessofspork · 21/10/2023 16:23

It’s attention seeking of some sort, and he’s a bit of a saddo.

You don’t have to be the ice queen, you can still be pleasant, but don’t actively banter or make jokes, and when he says something odd, just look mildly surprised and turn to talk to someone else.

Swipe left for the next trending thread