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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Porn but no masterbating??

34 replies

Mummyrere · 20/10/2023 07:54

My partner has said he has been watching porn but not masterbating? He says just when he scrolls on his phone he sometimes goes onto the sites and watches it. I’m just wondering what is the point in that? Would be good to get a man’s point of view? We’ve had a lot of porn related issues which I won’t really go into because it’s a long story but basically have asked him to not watch it anymore. Think he took that as don’t have a w*nk and watch it. Why does he watch it otherwise?? I don’t know which way I feel worse about. Before people start saying how porn is normal and all guys do it - I understand this but we’ve had a long standing issue involving this kind of side of stuff so that’s why I’ve asked him not to watch it.

OP posts:
Mamma2017 · 20/10/2023 14:23

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 20/10/2023 09:12

This is honestly a sign of a porn addict. Wierd lying. He does wank. He won't admit it. Watching loads of it, edging, eventual ejaculating, little interest in sex with partner. Lying.

Very, very common now.

I’d say it was the majority of men now unfortunately. A lot of women probably not aware of it. This is why I’m glad to be single. Porn extremely common now (most of it very anti-woman and disrespectful) hook up apps and pop up brothels everywhere. No stigma anymore about using prostitutes. Men feel entitled to get their needs met however way they want and that involves lying to their partners of course.

Classicalyunderstated · 20/10/2023 14:26

You will get confidence when you bin this looser, staying with him is not going to help that.

Rania78 · 20/10/2023 15:09

MinnieL · 20/10/2023 14:16

I mean how many times are you going to come on here and post the same thing? The responses are not going to change yet it seems you’re expecting to be told something different each time.

The relationship is dead. Your sex life is dead. Stop trying to force someone to change when they clearly have no desire too. You need to leave and stop kidding yourself that this person will change and be the man you want.

Sorry to be blunt but a year and a half later and you’re still with this loser. All he’s doing is dragging you down. What sort of life is that?

I think you are being a bit harsh. The lady has a child. It’s not easy to just leave and she needs time to process it.

Original poster
Mummyrere · 20/10/2023 15:28

Like @Rania78 has said. I’m just trying to process it. I’m really at rock bottom so it’s hard to get the energy to do something and put myself in a really difficult situation with my son when I don’t have the mental headspace. I am on antidepressants and have joined the gym and I’m just trying to get my body and brain in a fit state so I can be strong. I know the answers won’t change it’s just getting the reassurance and building my strength with other people telling me what I know deep down. I don’t know why you’re so angry at me posting @MinnieL you don’t need to reply if you don’t want to.

OP posts:
Rania78 · 20/10/2023 15:48

Mummyrere · 20/10/2023 15:28

Like @Rania78 has said. I’m just trying to process it. I’m really at rock bottom so it’s hard to get the energy to do something and put myself in a really difficult situation with my son when I don’t have the mental headspace. I am on antidepressants and have joined the gym and I’m just trying to get my body and brain in a fit state so I can be strong. I know the answers won’t change it’s just getting the reassurance and building my strength with other people telling me what I know deep down. I don’t know why you’re so angry at me posting @MinnieL you don’t need to reply if you don’t want to.

I think you are doing the right thing focusing on yourself. Take care of your body and find a good job If you don’t already have one. Ignore him. Once you are ready, move on. It’s not advisable to leave now bcs you will be torn apart. Get some counseling as well. Also, when you feel ready do think about going to counseling with him. You never know. Maybe the relationship is fixable and you can see more clearly once you are at a better place confidence wise.
One more thing. Maybe you will not need anti-depressants anymore once you leave him.
Oh, btw with regards to self esteem due to lack of sex? Just be aware that Gisele Budhen divorced her husband because he didn’t want to have sex with her. Gisele! So, darling, it has nothing to do with your beauty and worth. It has to do with him and he has to visit a psychotherapist to deal with his porn addiction. And maybe, just maybe, if he manages to get rid of it your relationship stands a chance.

Friendofdennis · 20/10/2023 15:51

it Doesn’t matter what other people do. This is your relationship and you don’t like what he’s doing. You don’t need to try to normalise this behaviour. If you don’t like it he either has to change or you will have to end the relationship

Crazykatie · 20/10/2023 16:06

My OH has watched porn, he asked me if I wanted to watch it with him, I said no thanks and it has never been mentioned again. I don’t know wether he still does or not, probably not, it has not affected our sex life, I have a high libido which matches his so all is well.
When he asked me I said no because sex was nicely balanced, I did not want to change that, almost all men have viewed porn getting upset just because the do will really mess your relationship up.

MinnieL · 20/10/2023 17:09

Rania78 · 20/10/2023 15:09

I think you are being a bit harsh. The lady has a child. It’s not easy to just leave and she needs time to process it.

Show quote history

Posting history is important here. All of this didn’t just happen yesterday. OP first posted about this awful man a year and a half ago. Her confidence will only get better once she ditches this man who’s filling her head with false promises. Sometimes you have to take a person for what they are and not what you want them to be

MinnieL · 20/10/2023 17:14

Mummyrere · 20/10/2023 15:28

Like @Rania78 has said. I’m just trying to process it. I’m really at rock bottom so it’s hard to get the energy to do something and put myself in a really difficult situation with my son when I don’t have the mental headspace. I am on antidepressants and have joined the gym and I’m just trying to get my body and brain in a fit state so I can be strong. I know the answers won’t change it’s just getting the reassurance and building my strength with other people telling me what I know deep down. I don’t know why you’re so angry at me posting @MinnieL you don’t need to reply if you don’t want to.

I’m not angry at you posting at all. My tone my have been misinterpreted but my point is, you’re worth way more than how this person is treating you. Having conversations with him and asking him to not watch porn will not make a difference at all.

You have a child and you need to be in the best headspace as possible when you’re a mum. An unsupportive partner dragging you down and causing you stress is not what you need. It’s your life and only you know how much you’re willing to put up with but this man is a liar and I think you know that.

Start planning your exit so that you can have a better life outside of this man. It seems daunting going at it by yourself but the fact that your confidence and self worth will improve is all the more reason to ditch him

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