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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this fair? Help us move on

5 replies

Theaviator · 19/10/2023 19:10

Last September I had a mmc, body didn’t want to let go so I had to have surgery. Honestly was the hardest thing I’ve been through. I got pregnant straight after and whilst we were happy, I was very anxious and worried. Honestly the whole 9 months was horrible. I was so paranoid every day worried and was always at the hospital honestly my mental health was awful and I think I pushed everybody away but I didn’t choose to be like it I just couldn’t help it.

We niw have a gorgeous 14 week old baby boy who is a dream. But I have found out that partner had an EA with somebody from work. They were texting deleting messages etc exchanging pictures (nothing bad just selfies) I found out he went to her house to help her fix her car. This girl has a boyfriend but I’ve spoke to her and she didn’t know about me at first until partner started telling her about how awful I was etc. he’s changed his number and they’ve cut contact but they work in the same place, he has got another job ti go to but he’s rather stay at his current job now as it’s more money less hours etc.

He said he done it because of how I was and he felt like I wasn’t his partner anymore cos I was always worried and pushed him away etc. I’ve tried to explain that it took a toll on my body and my mental health and I didn’t choose to be like it.

we’re trying to work things out but we keep arguing about it cos it feels like he’s trying to blame me for it all and it’s like he doesn’t understand why I was the way I was.

do you have any advice anyone? This girl he will still see at work as they’re on the same team and that’s what im struggling with. It’s all come to a head tonight because he’s saying im not happy I should just try to be alright and get over it and move on well I can’t just move on he’s not really doing anything to help me move on despite him saying he would. He’s changed his number yes but she could easily get it again!

I really don’t know what to do 😩😩

OP posts:
justanothermanicmonday1 · 19/10/2023 19:29

I'm really sorry you're young through this. Personally, and I know you won't want to hear this. But I couldn't stay with my partner who had any sort of affair with another women. I'd walk away. How can you rebuild trust after that? Saying how awful you where? And they absolutely will not be telling you the entire truth on what exactly happened.

If you want to stay, I'd suggest couples counselling.

Shoxfordian · 19/10/2023 21:35

Dump him

happygertie · 19/10/2023 21:37

Get rid of the rat

user1492757084 · 19/10/2023 21:55

Get some couselling so your husband understands you.

After that, I would employ a mediator to work out a separation that works best for you. Get all your financial ducks in a row and seek legal advice too.

Dacadactyl · 19/10/2023 21:59

I wouldn't do anything rash at the moment. You've had a tough time and also just had a baby which throws everything up in the air.

However, if, after some time has passed, your man is still not taking your thoughts and feelings on board etc, then you do need to be thinking about where things are going long term.

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