How to re-kindle a relationship?

[JIMMI85]

i was/have been with my partner for 15 months, for the majority of the time it was a very loving, happy relationship. We didn't live together, but spent 4-5 nights together each week and went on a couple of holidays together.

As time went on, we started to argue more often, and these arguments often turned quite toxic. They were primarily to do with my partners lack of trust and insecurities due to previous relationship traumas. My partner is a talker and not a doer, and although I had suggested multiple times she sought professional help nothing ever changed. It all came to a climax with two very heated arguments 5 weeks ago and I effectively called the relationship off, although really I think I just needed some space to think about what was best for both of us.

I love her dearly, and desperately want things to work out, but I am concerned that things wont change and we will get back into he same old habits with the same arguments and issues.

We went nearly two weeks with very little communication but since then, over the last 3 weeks or so, I have suggested to strip the relationship back to basics and start dating again. We have gone on 5 dates during this time, I am quite happy how things are moving - There have been no arguments but one could argue that that is because we aren't spending enough time together for arguments to happen. My partner on the other hand feels as though we are moving backwards and she can't understand why we can't go back to how we were, in the sense of seeing each other 4-5 times a week and being sexually active etc again.

I don't know if things will change, and I don't want to be in the same position again whereby we are regularly arguing, so I guess I am being overly cautious which in turn is making us both withdraw from each other a little bit. She is hell bent on marriage and children with me but she can't seem to grasp that both of these are off the table until she learns to trust me and the relationship is stable.

Although my friends and family don't dislike her, they are not convinced she is right for me, as we are quite different, which although this isn't a deciding factor it certainly is a concern. I love spending time with her ( because we are not arguing ) but i don't necessarily miss her when I'm not with her?

I'm very confused right now, and really don't know what to do so any advice would be appreciated!

Oh dump her already. Such early days, such hard work.

Move on. Such problems only 15 months into the relationship? And you don’t miss her when not together? You should have dumped her yesterday.

Tbh it sounds like you are punishing her.

You said it. The relationship wasn't working. Fact is people disagree, they do argue sometimes. Expecting a relationship where you cant ever say when you are unhappy or that you disagree isn't any healthier than one where you argue all the time

It’s not meant to be this hard.

Plenty more fish in the sea.

Absolutely this. No communication means no relationship. YOu cannot walk away every time a stumbling block comes across you.

Same position as you. Patience and cooperation is the most important thing in a relationship.

Arguments are about communication so to be blunt, there needs to be an effort from you both to communicate better.

I think it depends on how far it has gone down the pan. yours sounds pretty fucked to me.

I first read 15 months as 15 YEARS. Changes everything. It shouldn't be that hard after only 15 months. It really shouldn't be that hard ever, but 15 months in is usually still honeymoon, easy sailing stage. Just end it and be done with it all.

I disagree with pp. you say you love her very dearly and you clearly what to give it your best shot.
I would have non negotiable that you go to couples counselling together to talk about how you'll manage issues better when you do go back to your old normal - even if you conclude from this process that you're not compatible at least you'll both be sure you tried your best.
Your partner is in limbo land now so might be more incentivized to accept professional help