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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice please!!

18 replies

Leanne1191 · 18/10/2023 07:15

Hey everyone,

I just need some advice I have a 6 month old little girl and I've been trying to work it out with her dad as we've been on and off for three years and I find him difficult too be with. I also have 3 other children all boys too. Last night my boys were very badly behaved they don't like this bloke at all and have never liked him and they constantly give him abuse when he is round and deliberately play up more. I do tell them off but they don't listen, i can see it from their point of view as he has never really tried bonding with them or give them any time or positive praise when needed. Soo last night they started throwing Lego at him and cushions and calling him names, and he grabbed my 7 year old up by the arms against the wall he then pushed my eldest son to the floor with force.... I know my children aren't angels and are naughty but I'm fuming as he laid hands on them when I have told him before to never lay hands on my children. He is not their dad and doesn't have a right too and I've told him this in the past. This hasn't been the first time he has done this either. I've told him before to just ignore them as they call him names and stuff for him to react to them, I was telling him to leave last night but he kept saying I will in a min when the situation was extremely stressful he still wanted to stay like he wanted them to keep doing it and argue with them. I was completely out of control in this situation because my boys were so revved up they wasn't listening to me when I was telling them to stop.

I don't know what to do... I know my children are in the wrong but he should not be laying his hands on my kids! He was also making comments towards them baring in mind my kids are 13,10 and 7 years of age which wasn't helping. He calls them little bastards and rude.

I have been told by someone to tell the police about this and to cut ties with him completely and get someone else as the middle person when it comes to our daughter and him seeing her so he has no contact with me or the boys. It's very difficult with this bloke because he's very persistent I've tried ending it in the past but he won't have any of it and goes on and on. In the past he has always given me excuses for some of his behaviour for example his mental health, he is stressed, he has to move and is stressed etc etc he never takes responsibility for anything he does. His relationship with the boys is done he will never be able to have a bond with them even if he did try because of how much they dislike him now. I have asked him soo many times to build a bond and spend time with them and I always got I will I will change etc etc and he never does.....

OP posts:
Wheresmyguavagone · 18/10/2023 07:46

‘I have been told by someone to tell the police about this and to cut ties with him completely and get someone else as the middle person when it comes to our daughter and him seeing her so he has no contact with me or the boys.’

You have the answer. Right there.

Leanne1191 · 18/10/2023 07:48

Wheresmyguavagone · 18/10/2023 07:46

‘I have been told by someone to tell the police about this and to cut ties with him completely and get someone else as the middle person when it comes to our daughter and him seeing her so he has no contact with me or the boys.’

You have the answer. Right there.

It's not as easy as that he won't leave me be he will go on and on and he will turn up at the door and everything. I'm stuck in this visions circle 😩😞

OP posts:
Wheresmyguavagone · 18/10/2023 07:52

It's not as easy as that he won't leave me be

Call the police. It really is simple. Protect your kids.

OrlandointheWilderness · 18/10/2023 07:53

NO ONE has the right to lay hands on your children, that is abuse. You don't have that right, a father doesn't have that right and neither does he.
You need to grow a backbone and sort this shit out, this absolute wanker of a man brings nothing good to your children's lives and they should be the most important thing in the world. You dump him, change the locks and if he doesn't accept it then you ring the police.

4naansjeremy · 18/10/2023 07:53

The first bit is to tell the police what happened.

WednesdaysChild50 · 18/10/2023 07:55

your sons never liked him yet you still had a child with him 🤦🏻‍♀️

Leanne1191 · 18/10/2023 07:57

WednesdaysChild50 · 18/10/2023 07:55

your sons never liked him yet you still had a child with him 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes I did have a child with him I went to have an abortion 3 times but couldn't go through with it my daughter was conceived even after taking the morning after pill. I suffered with prenatal depression too because it took me a long time to swallow I was pregnant as I didn't want anymore kids

OP posts:
Leanne1191 · 18/10/2023 07:58

OrlandointheWilderness · 18/10/2023 07:53

NO ONE has the right to lay hands on your children, that is abuse. You don't have that right, a father doesn't have that right and neither does he.
You need to grow a backbone and sort this shit out, this absolute wanker of a man brings nothing good to your children's lives and they should be the most important thing in the world. You dump him, change the locks and if he doesn't accept it then you ring the police.

I will report this incident this morning.

OP posts:
Leanne1191 · 18/10/2023 07:58

Wheresmyguavagone · 18/10/2023 07:52

It's not as easy as that he won't leave me be

Call the police. It really is simple. Protect your kids.

I will report this incident this morning

OP posts:
Leanne1191 · 18/10/2023 07:58

4naansjeremy · 18/10/2023 07:53

The first bit is to tell the police what happened.

I'm doing this this morning

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 18/10/2023 07:59

Whoever has told you to contact the police is right. He should not be laying any hands on the children, doesn’t matter how rude they have been to him, he’s the adult here and could have eased the situation.

Please take your children somewhere safe todah and go to the police. The police can put things in place to help you.

You’ve tried to make it work with him, it hasn’t worked. The situation is far worse now, you can’t trust him around any of your children. No adult should hurt a child, even their parent can’t touch them. Your baby is young just now but my worry is he will also hurt her when he finds her annoying.

You need to do the right thing by your children here. I know it’s hard and you’re scared but please put your children first and contact the police. Your sons are right about this man.

WednesdaysChild50 · 18/10/2023 07:59

You should have been more careful

NotaCoolMum · 18/10/2023 07:59

“He keeps turning up at the door.”

DONT OPEN THE DOOR THEN.

he’s abusing your poor boys and by allowing him in, you are abusing them too. Why on earth would you want this piece of shit in your children’s lives?

Call the police, do not open the door to this vile man. It really is that simple.

Leanne1191 · 18/10/2023 08:00

WednesdaysChild50 · 18/10/2023 07:59

You should have been more careful

Lol I wanted advice not a lecture. Please don't comment if your going to be sarcastic 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Leanne1191 · 18/10/2023 08:01

NotaCoolMum · 18/10/2023 07:59

“He keeps turning up at the door.”

DONT OPEN THE DOOR THEN.

he’s abusing your poor boys and by allowing him in, you are abusing them too. Why on earth would you want this piece of shit in your children’s lives?

Call the police, do not open the door to this vile man. It really is that simple.

I'm going to report it this morning.

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 18/10/2023 08:14

Good stuff OP. I know it can feel like you are taking a bashing on here, but it's due to the objective nature of forums. You lose the human interaction side of things and people respond with more force of opinion than they would face to face, but generally with the force of opinion they actually feel! We can just see from the outside how bad this is.
I hope you find the strength to finish this - you and your children deserve so much more than this.

Zanatdy · 18/10/2023 08:20

Well your kids are naughty that’s clear and I’d be mortified if my kids were calling an adult names and throwing things at him, BUT he’s 1000% in the wrong. You need to get angrier, it sounds like you’re saying he will be able to talk you round with his persistence - well don’t let him. Protect your kids and don’t let this man in your home. Call the police everytime he turns up, get an injunction against him if he persists and definitely use a middle man for any contact with this man. I feel for your kids, having to be around a man they clearly hate.

Zanatdy · 18/10/2023 08:20

also look at doing the freedom programme and stay strong

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