Lying Cousin

[WorkSmarter]

So basically I am close to my cousin and she has done lots of lovely things for my family over the years.
However, she is a bit of a liar and the latest one she's said at a family gathering is that her husband fancied her first and I basically stole my husband off her, not only that but she said it to my teenage daughter!!

It's been annoying me for a while as

1. it's untrue - my husband knew her before me but seeing as she liked and slept with his best mate I presume nothing was ever going to happen between them
2. she said this to my daughter and other relatives
3. have tried to forget it but it's really pissed me off and I will be seeing her at Christmas and can't guarantee I won't flip about it when I see her!!

My husband says she is ridiculous and everyone knows she's a liar but what would you do!?

A) Broach it in private,
B) mention it in public
C) Or forget it?
Argh!!

She'll be doing it to get a reaction. Just laugh at her.

Do you think? That's what my husband said bit I just don't understand that mentality?
Why would she want a reaction? Why would she not expect a repercussion for this?
Surely it's better to be straight? Sort it out and move on or more rubbish like this will follow that I don't know about? 👀

Do you honestly think that if you raise it with her, she'll take a long hard look at herself and change? I really doubt it.

If she's done it for a reaction, she'll have won if you mention it.
If she's done it to get attention, she'll have won.
If she's done it to upset / annoy you, she'll have won.

If she honestly thinks he fancied her first, then she may be wrong but hasn't done anything 'wrong'. Saying something to her in that case will just look to her like you're jealous that he fancied her first.

I don't think there's anything to be gained from saying something, and it could well make matters worse.

Your DH ought to be primed though - if she says anything like that again, he can laugh and say something to show she's wrong, if it bothers you. Equally, if she tells blatant lies in front of you, it's fine to correct them, if it makes you feel better. But as your DH said - everyone probably knows she lies. So best ignored.

I would call her out on this - with your husband (in private) because if you don’t she will likely do something similar again (and it’s unacceptable). Especially to say this to your child.

I approach her about it and say you would like to clarify the facts. See what she has to say about it on a 1-2-1 basis (although she will probably try to lie her way out of it)

Liars lie to make themselves look better and I would stop her before she does it again and it gets out of hand.

I certainly couldn’t spend Christmas with her biting my tongue (but I don’t mind confrontation).

I have a family member like this. It’s very hard as to ignore means enabling it. To address it sends them in to some kind of denial spiral which results in more lies to cover the lie.

I’ve found that, nothing works really. There are family members who believe what they say and others who see straight through it:

To your daughter I’d say look we all know that cousin lives a fantasy life, she’s quite sad or possibly unwell. With your family I’d tread carefully as some people may not be aware of the lying and it’ll make you look petty. So basically protect yourself until you can call out the lie.

Do nothing. Act breezy like you could not IMAGINE your husband fancying her, and if you could imagine it, it doesn't matter because it's the past and your marriage is solid.

Thanks ladies. 💋💋
Hope I can keep quiet at Xmas but doubt it after a couple of sherries. 😬
Argh.
But don't want to hurt her parents or back them into a corner defending her.
Thankfully daughter is really switched on and knows it was a big lie but don't want her to think lying is acceptable.
I'm rubbish at playing these games!
Help!! 🤔