Comments on weight!

[MotherOfOlafs]

Not another MIL bashing thread, she’s lovely and extremely kind to DD from previous marriage.
The issue I have is her obsession with other peoples weight. Every time we see her she makes remarks about her neighbours ‘fat arse’ or a random strangers ‘disgusting thighs’. Whenever she starts up I remove myself and DD from the room in a type of silent protest, DD is 14 and I don’t want her to think this is appropriate.
As someone who is overweight myself I find her comments upsetting and there has been indirect remarks to me, especially in the run up to me and DHs wedding, including coming up to us after the ceremony and saying ‘well we didn’t manage to lose much weight did we!’ (She is very thin herself) which I found hurtful.
Ive spoken to DH about it and he does understand but he has no other family members (a very distant cousin) so he wants to keep the peace.
Im very close to saying something to her but I know once I do there’s no coming back from it. Unsure what to do so any suggestions please?

I wouldn't move I would face her when she says it. It doesn't have to be a full on argument I'd pull her up on comments as they arise particularly when dd is within earshot. I'd say how.is her weight relevant? Come on that's unnecessarily nasty. Don't fat shame it's inappropriate, I don't like it when you mention people's weight when it's irrelevant to the story.
You can disagree and stand up for yourself without it being so dramatic or no coming back from it. Just do so with a calm voice and try not.to get emotional or bring up past behaviours just focus on the comment itself.

“I’d prefer if you didn’t make comments about other peoples weight / bodies while me and DD are around. I don’t want her to think that’s acceptable. And please don’t comment on my weight, I’m aware of how I weigh/what I look like and I know you don’t mean to be hurtful ( she does!) but it’s quite upsetting.”

Then without waiting for a reply say “thanks for understanding”

Say all of this in a calm/neutral/ pleasant voice so she doesn’t try and turn it around on you by saying you snapped at her etc

I'd also call her out on it. It's not acceptable in any way. I'd tell her I found her mean and rude and that I didn't want to listen to her venom. Be straight with her! It's not as if she gives a rats ass about your feelings after the wedding day comment.
Her own issues are exactly that and she should be mindful of what she's saying in front of a young impressionable girl. It's only a matter of time before your DD is on the receiving end.

I would just calmly say “you do realise you said that out loud don’t you?” next time she says something. Then follow it up with “nobody’s perfect and it just comes across as unkind, even though I’m sure you don’t mean to be”.

Your priority should be DD, you don't want her to have body-image issues. So whatever you say, the emphasis should be that she cannot be around DD if she is going to say things like that.

RE you feeling upset by what she says, it's not a good idea to let her know it bothers you, she doesn't sound like a nice person.

Omg I'm so sorry that she said that to you on your Wedding Day , that is disgusting 😔 I can never understand people's observations about others' weight. I never take any notice about other people and how they look. Never mind to remark on it. Weight does not define a person and she should know that we are often hardest on ourselves so there is no need to point anything out. She sounds like a superficial , unhappy woman. I feel like your dh needs to have a word. Your teenage daughter is at a vulnerable age and will already be aware of her own body image. To hear an adult discussing other people's appearance so flippantly is definitely a cause for concern.

Pull her up on it. Hard.

How dare she spout such poisonous bilge to you, and on your wedding day too. She isn't a nice person. Draw a firm boundary here and stick to it.

She obviously is extremely judgemental about other people too, and almost certainly ill informed about them.

As I said, not a nice person.

Very spiteful and I would say the comments about other people's weight is a dig at you.

Perhaps she has her own issues with food and weight. You mention she is very thin and it sounds as if she is obsessed with other people's weight.

I'd wonder if she was once fat (or thought she was), bullied, or told her body was 'disgusting' at some point and that has shaped her way of thinking. Perhaps a gentle conversation to find out where she first learned to speak about bodies in that way and explaining how you don't want DD to grow up hearing those messages would be a good place to start.