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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable over xmas

35 replies

13sunshine · 17/10/2023 08:22

Morning all. Right now I'm going through the worst time of my life. My adult son is currently in hospital with brain damage it's been 7 weeks now. He is currently quite far away and I'm waiting for a bed for him to start his neuro rehab near to me so I can be there for him . My partner has been so supportive when I had to stay away for over a month in early days but I've had to come home due to being self employed and spending a lot of my money on accommodation etc

I have family visiting my son in the week when I'm away at work and travel every weekend now to get to him.

We had hoped my son would be here by now and it's a waiting game.

My partner constantly moans now at us having to travel up by car so I've been taking on the drive so he can relax.

I'm not confident at driving especially in the dark and the public transport is not an option to take.

My partner and I are very close but he's also very close to his family who live very close by so he can pop in any day during week to see them, my family lives hours away from me.

Round about three months ago his mother came on phone hysterical because his brother had upset his mother and his gf, my partner then said to his brother you've upset your mother and he replied he wasn't talking to a drunk my partner actually had flu. They haven't spoken at all since, not once has his brother asked after my son or even when my partner was home alone in the week while I was away did he even check in on my partner to see if he was ok. His gf messaged me once. His mother is now constantly ringing my partner asking him to talk to his brother but I think it's his brother that owes him an apology. He never bothers with my partner and makes any effort with him any other time and it hurts my partner.

His mother rang last night to ask what we were doing for Xmas she already knew it's my turn to spend Xmas with my own family, and said they were all going out for Xmas dinner, I should t have butted in but I said in background I'm not going with them all.

I'll be spending Xmas with my son wherever he is and we had already decided that we would visit hospital and have a quiet Xmas this year as I don't feel like celebrating it right now and it's my year to do as I wish.

He's now not talking to me and also stormed out this morning , why would I want to go out for Xmas dinner with this family when clearly his brother and gf haven't bothered with is for months and his mother doesn't seem to realise she caused the problem in the first place and doesn't take any responsibility for her overly dramatic performance that caused the problem in the first place.

The womans first words after my son's brain Injury was what a carry on I was insulted.

My whole life revolves around his family most of the time and now I'm having a hard time it seems like a inconvenience.

What would you do.

OP posts:
Birdsongtops · 17/10/2023 09:48

Op, wishing your son a good recovery and yourself continued strength in your loving support of him .
Frankly your partner and his family should be ashamed of themselves.

Original poster
13sunshine · 17/10/2023 10:02

Exactly fulshaw. This is the point so god knows why it's escalated, I think he thinks because I'm not going home for Xmas because my son will be in hospital near me somehow then I'd be having Xmas with his family when that's not happening at all. He's just rang me to clear the air and said he's told his mother we aren't making any plans due to my son. So hopefully that's it dealt with and I can concentrate on my son now and not his shitty family.

If there is one thing to be said my family do not act like this there is no pressure for anyone to do anything with us. They have all dropped everything in life for my son. Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
13sunshine · 17/10/2023 10:04

Birdsongtops · 17/10/2023 09:48

Op, wishing your son a good recovery and yourself continued strength in your loving support of him .
Frankly your partner and his family should be ashamed of themselves.

Thank you we have a long journey now but whoever's on it with me now are the people I need. Everyone else can do one. X

OP posts:
Birdsongtops · 17/10/2023 10:26

Glad to hear your partner is supporting you ,Good luck !

MarkWithaC · 17/10/2023 10:34

On the basis of 'My partner constantly moans now at us having to travel up by car', 'My whole life revolves around his family most of the time' and 'what a carry-on', I say fuck em all. Be with your son, do whatever you need to do to feel the best you can about it and support your son as much as you need to.

Your DP's mother and he himself have made the Xmas thing into a drama. It is in fact utterly meaningless; remind him that it was always your turn this year to have your Xmas.

Very best wishes and luck to you and your son and his recovery.

Barrowgirl · 17/10/2023 10:43

Op you have an adult son

so I’m guessing you’re… the other side of 50 at least

Come on now! Woman up!!
I am concerned you seem to think you’re trapped because you couldn’t afford to move out. Do you work?

Barrowgirl · 17/10/2023 10:45

A decade this man has been in your son’s life and this is how he is behaving?

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/10/2023 10:46

What kind of insensitive, thoughtless idiots ask about your Christmas plans when your child is seriously ill in hospital?

Honestly, I’d tell them all to f**k off.

Hope your son is with you soon.

Original poster
13sunshine · 17/10/2023 11:19

MarkWithaC · 17/10/2023 10:34

On the basis of 'My partner constantly moans now at us having to travel up by car', 'My whole life revolves around his family most of the time' and 'what a carry-on', I say fuck em all. Be with your son, do whatever you need to do to feel the best you can about it and support your son as much as you need to.

Your DP's mother and he himself have made the Xmas thing into a drama. It is in fact utterly meaningless; remind him that it was always your turn this year to have your Xmas.

Very best wishes and luck to you and your son and his recovery.

Aww thank you honestly. What is Xmas it's about spending time with your family and I want my son to have the best Xmas too 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
13sunshine · 17/10/2023 11:29

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/10/2023 10:46

What kind of insensitive, thoughtless idiots ask about your Christmas plans when your child is seriously ill in hospital?

Honestly, I’d tell them all to f**k off.

Hope your son is with you soon.

Exactly she's insensitive most of the time anyway seems to forget I have a family too. Expects everyone to run around after them and they are only in their 60s. I don't want to be embroiled in their dramas they create.

OP posts:
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