The last decade has been full of betrayals. My husband cheated with my friend. Couple years later he played really dirty to get sole custody of the kids (think false allegations, criminal charges). All that culminated in a 3 weeks custody trial where my two best friends were to be my witnesses. They dropped last minute (with the trial started).
I suffer from CTSD from the abuse from my narc ex, and I guess childhood trauma. My first boyfriend beat me up (he was convicted and RO).
After my divorce I focused on my kids and myself. Lots of introspection, fostering friendships, health... but I have kept been betrayed by friends and I don't have the energy to do it over again.
I am alone. Family in different continent but not supportive. I think parents were pretty abusive. No friends. I have tried a hobby. I am not even pretty but anything I may enjoy is always ruined by an idiot man. Job interview - director asks me out. Hobby - stalkerish guy makes me not want to come. I am an introvert on top of all.
I have tried OLD, but it is depressing. Man children. 40 y.o. living with their parents, no job... I have a successful career and already support 2 children, dont need a dead weight.
The only thing I have outside my kids is work. Thanks god for my kids, they mean everything. But without an afult life of my own, I find myself crushing on my manager. Thats how dull my life is.
I wish I was more social snd made friends easily. But I am desilusioned. And lonely.