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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sudden disinterest in sex help?

6 replies

Isittheweekend459 · 17/10/2023 06:07

Partners gone from wanting sex pretty much everytime we see one another to absolutely no interest. We have spoke about it. He went on the defence at first when I expressed after 3 weeks it was getting me a little down. But then he mentioned it himself at the weekend that he feels so heavily depressed at the moment it's the last thing on his mind. But he doesn't want it to make me feel bad etc.

After our 5th sexless week has just arrived I've found myself wondering how to stop myself feeling like this. He could never keep his hands off me.

He lost his job 5 weeks ago so it all adds up to him being really stressed. I know he had alot of online things going on in his last relationship but he's no longer on social media so its unlikely theres a new woman. When we are together most of the time his phones away from us and always on do not disturb. But I guess through the lack of sitting with his phone and me being here most evenings it can't be an affair. There's been 2 or 3 weekends in the last 6 months he's not wanted me here when he's down or we've been through a bump.

The only thing I've noticed (feel free to call me paranoid) Is he's started making tea differently and putting the milk in first. I've asked him why he's started doing this and he pretended he didn't hear me. I find it odd but anyway.

I don't know what to think.

OP posts:
4naansjeremy · 17/10/2023 07:14

It seems that the change happened at the same time he lost his job? The timeline matches and that is his own explanation? The tea thing is odd unless he was sacked for making terrible tea?

Isittheweekend459 · 17/10/2023 07:20

Yes it's matched up to loosing his job. The tea thing is weird. He's starter putting his phone on busy when I'm there and I'm there alot. He doesn't use his phone much when I'm there at all. Sometimes I'm there 2 or 3 days in a row. So I'm guessing it's not likely a woman. But yeah he has a bad history of messaging women and wrecked his last relationship. Like I say he removed all social media a year ago. Seems to have "changed"

OP posts:
nameForThis21 · 17/10/2023 07:34

Perhaps he is depressed about losing his job, or maybe it’s one of a million other things? , only he will know.

has he bought some bone china cups recently?

GreyCarpet · 17/10/2023 07:35

Depression over losing his job could explain his lack of interest in sex but not the other stuff.

I know what you mean about the tea making. In and of itself, it's nothing but that with the changed phone usage, it starts to build up a picture of small changes.

If he has form for contacting other women online in a previpus relationship, I wouldn't he so sure that's not what he's doing now tbh.

Isittheweekend459 · 17/10/2023 09:16

Hmm yeah we've spoken about it twice so I'm wary of bringing g it up and sounding sex obsessed and ignorant to his struggles. Its hard. Yeah it took me a while to trust him. Him.and his ex were together and a very different stage of life when he drank lost evenings too. He's not drank for 5 years and has never drank around me. I think the drink had alot to do with things going down that road. I dont know what to say to him at this stage

OP posts:
Newbutoldfather · 17/10/2023 09:23

Umm, phone away on ‘do not disturb’ or ‘busy’ could easily imply he is seeing or messaging someone else, and the tea thing is strange.

How do you know about his ‘bad history’ in previous relationships.

Ultimately, a lot depends on how old you both are, how long the relationship has been going and how you got together.

Depression massively affects sex drive (as do anti depressants), so it could be that, but it could also be that he now has the time and space to cheat if he wants to.

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