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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unreliable friend who lies

9 replies

Hazelnus · 16/10/2023 22:01

I met my friend through my ex partner 20 years ago. We don't really have anything in common. I see her about 2 to 3 times a year. She only asks to meet her to talk about her problems - I always feel like a counsellor. She never takes my advice and keeps dating abusive men. 70% of the time she cancels meeting up at the last minute.

2 weeks ago she told me she was in a bad place. She said can we meet on 14th October. I said I could meet or chat sooner but she said she is busy (she doesn't work) and it can wait. She can't be that upset to wait 2 weeks. The night before she cancelled on me saying she had to see her aunt in hospital (usually my friend says she is 'ill'. I was away at the time and purposely didn't not come back because I knew she would cancel. It really annoyed me as I had I come back early I would have shortened my break away for nothing. It turns out she went to her sisters birthday instead as she posted photos of the meal. I don't have a problem with that but why lie.

Her ex contacted me yesterday as he is still upset about their split but he finished with her because she was cheating on him. She admitted to me she was sexting other men behind his back which some were married. Her ex has a drink, tobacco and drug use problem and she said he was abusive when under the influence.

I don't condone his substance abuse addiction but she should have ended with him and not cheated. He said she told him she was going to see him this weekend and cancelled on him too. He said she used to cancel on him a lot too with the aunt always used as an excuse.

She is 43 years old and thinks she is a model. She goes to mens houses and does photos shoots some are in her underwear as she shows us the photos. She has been propositioned and we suspect she is doing adult modelling or sexual favours because she seems to have a lot of money for an unemployed woman.

It seems like she asks to meet and cancels when there is a better offer or only asks for lifts to 'modelling shoots' all over the country. I find her needy and don't like being used or taken for a mug.

OP posts:
Namechange666 · 16/10/2023 22:19

Why are you friends with her op? What do you get out of even bothering with her?

You don't even sound like you like your friend? You don't need permission to end a friendship if it isn't working.

Pinkbonbon · 16/10/2023 22:30

She's not your friend.
And be honest, you aren't hers either if you are slagging her off with her ex.

In future - make sure YOU are too busy to meet.

Antst · 16/10/2023 22:48

She sounds like a mess. You know what she is and it doesn't make sense to keep seeing her. It doesn't have to be a big blow-out. Just be too "busy" to see her again.

BlanketyB · 17/10/2023 07:56

I hope that was the straw that broke the camel's back for you OP.

I agree - she is not a friend to you. You play some kind of useful role for her - even if that is 70% of time a rush of power when she cancels you for something else at the last minute or a free counsellor the other 30% of the time. You've seen enough to see the pattern. I wouldn't contact her at all now and when she contacts you be busy/vague.

TheCatterall · 18/10/2023 05:23

And? Stop taking her calls. Be busy all the time. You arent available to play pseudo therapist/chauffeur for her. Just stop.

What’s she going to do - not be your friend? Problem solved.

olympicsrock · 18/10/2023 05:31

You don’t sound like you like her. Why bother?

SpareHeirOverThere · 18/10/2023 05:41

She is not your friend. She is someone you know but don't like. HTH as you work out how to move forward.

pinkfondu · 18/10/2023 05:57

You've not asked a question

MCOut · 18/10/2023 06:00

Truly, what was the point of this? You don’t like her so don’t make plans.

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