Is ot okay to directly ask for Sex

[oneofyou]

We have been in a discussion of getting divorced and decided to give us a chance! Men needs physical intimacy and women needs emotional intimacy first. Rather than coming closer and building the urge to being closer to me, he directly asks for it. This means offends me as I feel he just neefs me for that and doesn’t want to connect emotionally. He now says that I’m unreasonable. Please help me understand if I’m being illogical here from him expecting to be closer first?

I think it's okay for him to ask. However you're within your rights to not appreciate his approach either! Men and women are wired so differently, I'd feel the same as you.

I think it depends what you mean by emotional intimacy. Are you saying that you want him to start by kissing and cuddling for a few minutes first, which might then lead on to sex? If so, YANBU at all. Or do you mean something longer term, like being emotionally supportive in a more general way? If so, that may be harder for him to achieve.

Imo, asking is OK provided he also does the other stuff. I mean its maybe a bit crass but on the other hand it means there's less chance of misunderstandings.

I mean if he's just expecting to...skip directly to the pogo-ing without any build up or foreplay then he can fuck right off. But I don't see the problem in asking for sex. Otherwise maybe he's worried that every time he wants a cuddle, you'll think he's trying his luck.

I think it's fine to ask. My husband often will ask me if I'm likely to be up for it later on that day. I can change my mind and he would never hold me to anything. Obviously!

I find its actually more likely to have an emotional/romantic build up this way too. But I have always preferred clear communication and hate trying to second guess people.

Some days I know really early on in the day that I won't be up for it and I can then just be left alone to slob out on the sofa without having to let down an over amorous husband 😂

It's fine to ask and it's fine to refuse on the basis you don't feel very close to him outside of sex.

It's ok to ask I guess but It would be a turn off for me. My husband uses his body language to show me he want's it and my body either responds or it doesn't. But if he outright asked me without any build up, I doubt I would want to. It does sound rather transactional to me.

OP do you mean you want him to « woo » you?

As in arrange a sitter, take you out for a meal. Turn phone off and speak to you, buy roses. Tell you he loves you?

If that’s what you want then tell him!

It’s fine for him to ask

It’s also fine for you to say it doesn’t work for you X way, you need emotional connection first.

I think you need to specifically explain to him how you need it to be to get this to work though.

I think it's fine to ask, but if you need emotional intimacy first then it's okay for you to say no/or not be into it.

My ex always asked/hinted/made comments about it. and even when I would tell him that i need some emotional connection/intimacy first he thought that meant talking sexy where as i just wanted to feel close first, not necessarily in a sexual way.

In this context then I would say no.

You were at the point of discussing divorce, said you'd give it a chance and he's not even trying it your way and is just asking for sex.

You said it offends you, he calls you unreasonable.

Most women don't want to sleep with a partner when the relationship is dying

I wouldn’t want sex without emotional intimacy so no I don’t think you are being unreasonable

After mutual respect and affection shown day to day, could be fine to ask. But if you lead separate lives and have no intimate contact during the day, then out of the blue he says 'how about it?' That would give anyone the ick.

It’s good to ask! Sometimes, l ask. It’s equally important to take heed of the answer.

l think saying that men’s needs are physical and women’s emotional is overly simplistic though. I’m no spring chicken (40s) but sometimes l just need a full service and a good rogering. It’s about passion.

Yes for some reason people seem to be ignoring the context.

This is a couple who were on the verge of divorce...he knows how she feel about needing closeness first but he's asking for sex. ICK