Get over him

[Caffeinate]

Please be kind, I'm in tears about this.

After years of mixed signals and trying to cope with the issue in so many ways, I'm feeling ready today to get over the man I have had an inappropriate crush on for 4 years.

There's so many reasons it's inappropriate so I really am sure about this. I recently blocked him on various social media channels but he still found a way to get through. He messaged me joking around that he was gutted I'd blocked him and couldn't think what he'd done for me to do this. I laughed it off and unblocked then we got chatting again.

I'm so fed up of hanging on his every word, getting those dopamine hits from his kind messages and then feeling devastated by the interactions where he's more flippant with me.

My question is, do I cut ties once and for all or do I tell him the truth? I can probably go months without seeing him and maybe longer if I try. I definitely won't tell him over any messenger platforms but I feel like maybe this method of being upfront in person will get the point across as long as I'm clear with my intentions. Maybe it will feel like a weight off? Or is this a terrible idea?

Any help appreciated.

Too vague to understand, but if you lusting after this bloke is inappropriate in ‘so many’ ways, obviously leave him alone. Enjoy life.

Why’s it inappropriate?

Big age gap, he is quite cryptic about whether he's seeing someone or not - I know I don't want to be in a relationship with this man yet for some reason I can't stop craving his attention.

Love shouldn't hurt like this
He doesn't care about you
Please make this the day

Try and think of him as a disgusting older letch.

“he is quite cryptic about whether he's seeing someone or not ”

That means he is then.

He sounds like a headfuck tbh.

No one in their right mind contacts someone who has blocked them on all platforms. Self absorbed, boundary pushing twat that he is.

I'm not sure what there is to be infatuated by. People who dong respect boundaries and give mixed messages are boring little self important cockwombles.

How do you get over him? By realising there's no one in there. Like he's a literal empty can.

Thank you everyone. If I'm honest, I can't really pinpoint what it is about him either. I think I value the opinion of older people a lot and tend to fancy older men. This, paired with a lack of self confidence makes it hard to ignore any attention he pays me. I've tried to cut off so many times but I always go back in my weaker moments. Now I'm wondering if just being honest will put an end to it all.

Oh gosh no, dont tell him. He'll take that as an ego stroke and really get to work on suckering you in for more game playing.

Block him everywhere again and if he finds a way through, dont reply this time.

Don't tell him anything. Just block him. Don't read any of his new messages just keep blocking.

My question is, do I cut ties once and for all or do I tell him the truth?

What is the truth you want to tell him?

I really was quite ready to tell him the truth after many failed attempts at cutting him out but the advice on here has really stopped me in my tracks.

My truth is - I like you a lot and I understand how inappropriate that is. Please understand me keeping my distance, it's because I'm trying to get on with my life.

@Caffeinate may I ask what is the age difference? Is there any other reason this is inappropriate other than the age gap? How old are you?
Maybe he is vague because he is dating but he hasn’t found a serious relationship.
But you are being a bit vague. Tell us your age, the age gap and what you wanted to tell him. Is there any chance he is married? What do you know about him?

Just shy of 20 years. I'm 30. Deep down, I know it's not what I want but the fantasy has just not gone away and it's been so long.

He isn't married but there are times we'll be chatting and he'll mention someone he was seeing but isn't any more. He hasn't been clear, but I'd guess he's seen 3 or 4 women in the time I've known him.

We're very different. He has a lot of views fairly typical of a guy his age which I perceive to be a bit dated and sometimes even offensive.

It's weird because right now as I'm writing, I don't feel much for him but it's like I can't see all of these negative things when I'm chasing that dopamine hit. I think it goes back to that lack of confidence thing too. Maybe all I want to know is if he ever liked me. It's sad but I don't get this validation often - maybe twice since I was a teenager.

What has been so long in terms of what you're missing/upset about? Has something actually happened between you? Have you agreed to be friends? Did you fall out causing the blocking? It's not very clear what has led up to this point so hard to say what you should or shouldn't do.