New relationship after partner dying

[Autumnshereagain]

My partner of 34yrs and father of my 2 children has just passed away .He had a range of co morbidities but his passing was still v unexpected and sudden at the age of 58 yrs.
We had slept in separate bedrooms for almost 20 yrs and had no intimacy.There were serious financial issues and unfortunately he was extremely dishonest , controlling and really deceptive. I separated our financial affairs, mainly so that the family small holding was secure and I've achieved this. I was the main wage earner and had funded our home and main outgoings.
Due to previous unsuccessful business dealings of his there are numerous unsecured debts and also debts to local businesses, I'm prioritizing the local debt and will pay this off although I'm sure I don't need to.I've just come of the phone to the undertaker who tells me the funeral bill is 6.5k which is another problem, possibly requiring a bank loan.
Prior to ex partners death , I had become reacquainted with an old boyfriend and he's unattached.
I'm deeply saddened by my ex partners death and really feel for the loss my children are experiencing but I'm now caught up in what appears to be an expected lengthy mourning period.Most people would have picked up that our relationship was non existent but it wasn't something I discussed with friends or family.
I really feel my life is dwindling away and have no idea when I can even be seen in public with my ex bf who I have a real love for.We live in an ultra rural community and my previous connection to the ex bf would be well known.
My children, the youngest of whom is 20 and at uni are well aware of the limitations of my relationship with their father and that I'd hope to be in a new relationship but are unaware of my meeting the old bf although I am preparing them for this.
My ex partner has no close relatives other than an elderly father who has had to go into a nursing home. I've made it clear to social workers that I cannot be responsible for him and won't be taking on his care should he be returned home. There are also financial liabilities with him and I'm extricating myself from any connections with them
Financial security for me is very important for my children and my ex bf is sensible with finances and extremely well off.I'm glimpsing real happiness and financial security for the first time in decades.I've had open and frank discussions with my ex bf about my expectations for a future relationship, from a financial and commitment perspective.
Apologies for the length of this and basically my story hopefully highlights how important it is to end a relationship rather than let things trail on for years.
I'd really appreciate some advice on how I manage a transition to a new relationship, my ex partner only died 2 months ago. I've a reasonably well paid and secure job but feel I've been bled dry for years.

1- have counselling fir yourself. Even though your relationship had broken down years ago, the ‘not caring he us dead’ and feeling relief he is dead are not always easy emotions to deal with
Please know that you’re not the only or the first one to feel like that though!!

2- re the new man/exbf, I’d wait a bit. From what you’re saying the funeral has just happened, your dcs might need a bit more time to get their head around their father’s death, regardless of how they felt about their father.

3- I agree the only people I would be careful with are your dcs. You’ve started to mention stuff. Their reaction will imo depend a lot in how they saw their dad. If they were close to him despite his failings etc… How careful you’ll need to be will depend on that. You might want to not mention that relationship to them now - and not for a while for example.

4- enjoy your life! You’ve gone through a lot, not the least 10 years with him being ill which would have been hard, regardless of all the other stuff.

I've no direct experience of this but think you should go at the speed that is right for you and try not to be burdened by what you think the expectations of others might be. If you move quickly, you will need to tell your children at the start, and they may find it hard. My aunt took a new partner fairly quickly after my uncle died. She was early 70s. She was worried what people would think, but explained that she just didn't want to be lonely and had spent her life with another person, and wanted that to continue. As far as I am aware, everyone was happy for her and supportive of living life. They are still together now. Not married, separate houses, but see each other everyday and he is her "husband" for all intents and purposes. Good luck and I wish you well.

In your shoes I wouldn’t feel any regret and stuff what other people think. My dh died last year but I liked mine yours sounds a different kettle of fish.

People who haven’t been through it have no right to comment. I get the opposite “You might meet someone else!”