How to stop being a anxious attacher

[EATAHORSE]

What a fucking horrible thing to have in a relationship……

In a loving relationship but bejesus I am draining the life and soul out of him(and myself) with my behaviour.

How the hell do I stop it? It’s so unbelievably uncalled for and I’m exhausted. It’s not normal

I’m hoping there is a simple solution 😬

Sounds awful. What do you do?

You haven't actually provided details so hard to give advice, but broadly speaking, I think if your behaviour is the problem and you can't change it by yourself, the answer is therapy. You need to go to a therapist, discuss these issues, unpack them and, this is the important part learn and implement tools to prevent the behaviours. It's not enough to decide, "oh, I'm like this because my mother was a narcissist", you have to then make the change that's necessary to ensure that your narcissistic mother doesn't continue to negatively impact your life and your relationships.

Also going to say therapy.
Any 'simple solution' would probably involve just suppressing the behaviours without dealing with the feelings, which would not be good for you.