Children post separation

[presto32]

I want to separate from DH, we have just grown apart and live very different and separate lives.
I'm just worried about the potential repercussions for our children if we split.

I am very unhappy in our marriage, we don't talk anymore and just lead very separate lives. On the weekends, he just spends the entire weekend watching sports and I'm with the children. It's no way to live, and I would much rather be living alone with the kids.

Financially I have a stable and high paying career, so we can afford to run two households. It will be a stretch to pay rent but I think doable.

The only thing that worries me is the children, would I traumatise them? I don't know anyone else who's been divorced. My son's classmates- none of their parents are separated so he will be the first one. (My kids are 6 and 3)

Please can you tell me what it's like for children whose parents have separated?

My ex had so little to do with our two year old that he didn't actually notice that Daddy wasn't there any more. Now 15, he regards our current situation as the norm. But as they get older the impact is greater. I have no experience of impact on a 6yo.

If you are sure the marriage is irretrievable, then better to get on with it.

I was 6 when my parents divorced. I have hardly any recollection of dad living with us, it was just my normal, I didn’t know any different.
Id say the earlier you do it, the better.
I do remember mum and me having a meeting with the head ( I assume it was to Inform them of the change at home) so I’d be letting school/nursery know when it happens.

It’s not so much the separation as how you do it - if you can co-parent amicably, communicate well, avoid making the children choose sides and don’t rush to introduce new dates etc that will help minimise the impact on them. Also, if you can afford it, arrange for them to have counselling/therapy. Unfortunately you can’t really control how he will react or behave so there’s that element of uncertainty.

I agree with @DustyLee123 it’s better to do it when they are younger when they don’t know what “normal” looks like - looking at friends who divorced when their kids were older, it seems to be much harder for them especially if they’re teenagers. Don’t worry about being the first - you will probably find other families splitting up over the years.

Thanks for the input all - it's reconfirmed in my mind that it's better to rip the band aid off now rather than later. DH is good in the sense that he does a lot with the kids, so I'm happy to do 50/50