So dh and I are going through a serious dry spell since having our baby now 10mths. I had a really rough, high risk pregnancy and we were advised not to have sex for the first 5 months of the pregnancy as i was having regular spontaneous haemorrhages. I ended up out of work and on bed rest for a lot of that time and it was really hard. When we got the go ahead that the baby was ok and we could be intimate again, to be honest I found it really hard to accept it was now safe and was still scared of doing anything that might endanger the baby in any way.
We managed a few times but between stress and pgp/ bad hg it wasn't the most relaxed experience for us and we kind of just accepted that it just temporarily wasn't working during the pregnancy and agreed not to force it. I then ended up with a section and took a few infections which were really hard to shift so it was a few months after our son was born that I felt ready to be intimate again which was about 6 months ago. I was very clear with dh that i still found him attractive and wanted to be intimate and felt he understood. I've initiated with dh a number of times since then and we've talked about how good we both feel when we have that connection and how much we enjoy it and agree we both want to work on increasing the regularity of it but I'm the only one initiating. Dh says that because we went without for so long his libido has taken a nosedive and to be honest neither of us would have had an overly high sex drive to begin with so things haven't got back to where I'd hoped. In the last 4 months we've had sex twice because I initiated but truthfully I'm really feeling vulnerable, I've put on weight and my body has really changed after having ds and lack of sleep etc has made me feel like it shows on my face and appearance. We don't have the money while I'm on mat leave for me to go get new clothes that fit better and my hair done etc and I just don't feel like myself at all. I don't feel as confident as I normally would in my body and my appearance and dh saying he wants to have sex more but then not doing anything to initiate it makes me feel a bit rejected and is affecting my confidence even more. He does tell me that I'm attractive but sometimes I feel like he's saying it in front of ds because he feels that's him being a good husband and role model rather than because he actually finds me attractive. I know he's also put on weight since ds arrived which he doesn't feel good about and that's been a big factor in his low sex drive in the past and we've been trying to eat better and exercise more but I just feel like i don't know how to rebuild that intimate connection with him after so long. I suggested we just take one night a week and try to make a point of it, but ds isn't a great sleeper and it just hasn't really happened.
Does anyone have any advice or has anyone else managed to rekindle things after a really long dry spell. I really love my dh, he's super supportive and a great dad and husband in every other way, we get on great, and the sex is really good when we do have it! This is the one area we're floundering with and I don't want it to keep dragging on and I hate how insecure it makes me feel.