Fed up!

[pushmina]

I have just given up I really can’t take it anymore it is effecting my mind and I have very low self esteem every time time I pick myself back up my husband says something that makes me feel like a failure again! I didn’t put the mat on the cot which I forgot I’m tired looking after 4 kids so I will make some mistakes anyways the way he talks to me really puts me down saying things like you are the mother act like one it’s not my job it’s yours my job is to only bring money you do your work properly compares me to other people saying there husbands don’t complain because there wife acts like a proper mother I don’t know what to do I feel useless and worthless. I mean he could of just said to me simply can you lay the sheet on the cot but saying these extra things like you the mum act like it he has no value for anything I do I’m just so worn down now.

Your abusive husband sees you merely as both a domestic appliance and skivvy.

Seek legal advice asap and from that makes plans to divorce you husband. Your children will also thank you for doing so.

This 🙌

Here’s a top tip to improve your self-esteem if you’re in an awful relationship- leave! Nope, seriously. This won’t get better. AtillatheMeerkat has it on the nose. He’s abusive. He’s horrible to you. You will be far, far happier without him.

Yes but he is a wonderful father and he does everything for me helps out with kids provides me with everything but I don’t know I just feel somthing off I don’t know I thought it’s me I’m the problem but I have come to terms that no matter how much I do for him or try my best it will never be good enough or up to his standards maybe I’m just not that good enough for him.I try my best to be a good wife and make him happy but he still has a never ending list of things to complain about me.I know he loves me but he has killed my self esteem and he cannot change what so ever.

I have explained this to him and I’m getting to the point where I’m actually getting crazy because I don’t know how to please him him making statements that I’m the mother it’s my job to do these things it’s eating me up inside that I’m trying my best and he keeps fuking complains it’s killing me slowly slowly.

And every time I mention divorce when I’m angry he says I’m not going to why should I you the one with the problem you go this is all your doing all I said to you was change the sheets making me feel like I’m the bat shit crazy one I’m cussing drama for no reason he seriously doesn’t know how he’s effecting me.

A person who loves us, bigs us up, makes us feel wonderful about ourselves, respects us and tries to make life easier for us .

Ask him why you aren't millionaires, after all he is out working bringing in the money, he's obviously doing a shit job if you are not rolling in it

It’s not you, it’s him. He keeps moving the goalposts around and sets you up to make you feel you are failing. He can and will never be pleased, he will always treat you cruelly. He enjoys seeing your discomfort and enjoys the power and control he has over you.

He is in no way a wonderful father to his children if he treats you like this. would you want your kids as adults to be in such a marriage, no you would not.

Women in poor relationships write the good dad/father comment when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man. All of your words are words that an abused woman writes.

I would urge you to contact Women’s Aid and seek their advice too.

Your relationship to him is over because the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?.

Ugh horrible bully he is. Poor you, you never signed up for it.

Mine is the same. I have a thread up at the moment because I've reached my breaking point and I'm leaving him. It's the shitty little comments that really wear away at you and make you realise you mean nothing to them but at the same time make you feel worthless.

Have a big virtual hug from me because it's really shit.

Maybe he’s write though it is my job to do these things after all looking after kids is my job it’s just I don’t understand why is he never satisfied with me it’s driving me crazy if he’s looking looking after his kids changing there nappy why does he make me feel bad that it’s not his job like I’m useless and to be honest I would not leave why should I I have a big house my kids are living a good life I would not take them anywhere to go in any shelter or crap place my problem is with my husband weather he loves me or not I don’t really care but he mentally effects me a lot I do so many things for him but I don’t say to his face because it’s love I don’t want to complain I’m doing from my heart but he has to make me feel bad about everything and to be honest with you his sister said same thing before to him that you do everything it’s her job to do it not you.

Thank god I’m not the only one I just want to scream inside I have cried to my mum I have told my family because I’m at braking point I can’t take it my last hope it’s going to councillor with him and explaining to them what he says and how it effects me and if he still carries on them I don’t know how much I can take.

Once you leave them then they may realise what they lost.

Kids do better with a happy parent than they do in a big house where their mum is miserable. Took me until yesterday to realise this. You'll get there eventually.

I really don’t know I mean things would go so well he’s great we laugh joke I think everything is good then there’s a new drama it’s just the constant criticism the words he says how he says it I mean just because our toddler wet the bed by accident you going to fight n with me and make me feel like garbage because I didn’t put sheet on cot I mean the words he uses would provoke anyone
it’s your job not mine!
do your work properly and all of this over a bloody sheet.
you are the mum act like one hrs just chipping away at me and mind you I have been listening to these phrases for past 11 years!!! And I have worked harder to change myself speed up more give more times to kids get things done on time but nooo something is still not right. I can never win

Now he’s taking it up a notch by calling my family and saying she’s a drama and she is the problem making my life hell.

Respectfully, your view is enormously skewed by your experience.

He's not a wonderful father, a wonderful father doesn't "help out" with his own children, he parents them. Equally.

A wonderful father doesn't treat the mother of his children like a domestic appliance.

A wonderful father does not psychologically abuse the mother of his children and create a miserable, tense environment for them to be raised in.

A wonderful father is not a sexist piece of shit who thinks it's acceptable to order his wife around like a servant.

He's a shit father my love, and he doesn't love you at all. It doesn't sound like he even likes you.

Yes but he has just left the house to call my brother up and speak to him about how bad I am in his eyes I am the problem I swear at him I’m breaking up the family in bad towards him he has done nothing wrong and of course my family will side with him because he’s very good at manipulating stuff I just want to sit and cry he says I’m useless he has to do my jobs as well because I can’t do it properly even though I do my level best maybe I am the problem maybe I do have a phyco logical problem I don’t know.