When does no contact with a parent get easier?

[LadyBugGirls]

Around 4 months ago I went NC with my dad (divorced from my mum). It was mainly due to how he was with me- everything on his terms, letting me down at the last minute, making horrible comments about my infertility. I don’t regret my decision. I’m 29

I do feel sad though. My dad and I actually had a great relationship until he met his current wife around 10 years ago. She was the OW. She seems to have this bizarre jealousy over my dad having any interaction with any woman- even his daughter. I have two brothers and no issues with them.

He would have to lie about meeting me for coffee or coming to my house for a visit because she would be upset about him seeing me, his own child. It was like she saw me as the other woman it was very strange! I wasn’t allowed to ring him if she was in the room- and in the end, it broke our relationship. My dad was also never man enough to stand up to her. In the end I told my dad that her behaviour was bizarre and she was weird, and we stopped talking.

but today I feel sad- all the friends in my friendship group have lovely dads. Just today a friends dad has helped her with her garden and another has gone out for a Sunday roast with hers.

I’m going through what I think is a grieving process at the moment. I feel ok mostly but some days will cry.

does it get easier?

It's hard and not a linear process. You may be OK with it once the initial feelings have dissipated, only for the feelings to happen again at later times. Sometimes for no particular reason.

The thing is, the current wife sounds awful, but the only person responsible for the way your dad treated you is your dad. He chose it. He didn't have to forbid you from calling him or lie about where he was going when he visited you. He didn't have to get involved with an awful woman who didn't support his relationship with his child. He chose those things.

Maybe reminding yourself that he is not a helpless victim will help you feel calmer about your decision.

If all of your friends have great relationships with their dads, then they're very lucky. You're certainly not alone. My father was awful and many people are in the same situation. Yes, it would be nice to have a lovely father, but you can have a rich life without him.

I wonder if it would help you to volunteer at an old people's home or food bank. Many you could meet older people that way (the kind of people who aren't like your usual friends) and do the things you see your friends doing.