How do you stay away from an ex when you have no one?

[BananaSlug]

Im finding this really hard, those of you with no family how do you stay away from an ex when you have no one?
bit of background it’s my birthday today and I’ve not heard from a single member of my family including my own mother, we don’t have a great relationship but we aren’t NC or anything so no reason really, my ex isn’t a good person he doesn’t bother with our children but last year he was the only one to message me on my birthday so we ended up speaking again after a long time of NC. I’ve recently blocked him and now regret it because at least he cared? Even a bit? When no one else does

Happy birthday xx

Hi Bananaslug, could you plan to do something special on days or at times when you know it’s going to be harder than usual? Even if it’s something like making time to watch your favourite movie or going for a walk somewhere you really like but don’t normally go to? Sorry I haven’t got any better advice but I wanted to wish you a very happy birthday xx

Happy Birthday.. And from today you find things that make you happy and benefit your mh. And it isn't ex.. Adult colouring books.. New TV series.. A rescue pet... Take up baking..
Write a list of why he is a twat and read whenever you think you miss him.

Happy birthday OP... and yes as others have said make plans for yourself on days that are special. Hope you have a good one.

Happy birthday!!
I'm the same as you with birthdays and no family so next year I'm going to the theatre for my birthday by myself and woo hoo to that
Spending a birthday sad crying upset is horrible and I feel your pain

First of all, I care it’s your birthday. Happy birthday ❤️

I was also in this situation and it was a big barrier when it came to leaving bad relationships. I’ve spent a lot of birthdays alone. It took me a long time to get out of the mindset that a bad someone was better than no someone.

You need to find some sort of support network. I realise this can be very difficult, especially if childcare is an issue. If you can, try to find some sort of social group. Be open to people about having just come out of a relationship - you might find others are in similar situations and then you immediately have something in common (but be wary of men who might take this as an invitation to try it on). Adult education classes and things like language-learning groups can also be great ways to meet people. Volunteering is another one.

Have you done the Freedom Programme? It sounds like it could be helpful. It’s done in groups so you’ll be able to get to know other women over the period of the course, and maybe beyond.

I know that it’s so, so hard when you don’t have family or close friends. My ex partner isolated me from people which didn’t help. I do have close friends now and you will too. This is a temporary situation.

I guess all you can do is work on your friendship circle and trying to build those connections up, to try to create a "family of choice".

You blocked your ex for a reason - he's not your safe person.

Happy birthday. Do something nice for yourself today. 🎂

OP, gently you need to get out of this neverending block/unblock "does he still love me" thing with your ex. It's been six years now. He doesn't see his own children. You know the answer. You have so many threads wanting someone to validate any reason why you should keep contacting him.

Look at this objectively. Your family are letting you down. You need to leave your ex alone. So, where are your friends? I recall you saying you can't make any friends because you can't get out of the house, so if it's hard to make friends in real life, make some online.

You can make friends online. You can make friends with school mum's. It depends how much you actually want to do this, because if everything is just going to come back to the fact you want to make more contact with your ex, then nothing will work because you'll make excuses not to do it, so he's deliberately the only option left.

Change the cycle, OP. Give yourself the best birthday present and stop wasting your days, months, years thinking constantly about a man who doesn't think of you at all. Give yourself the gift of finally moving on. Where are you going to be in another 6 years? Here still? Live your life!

Happy birthday. Make this the day that everything changes x

Thanks all for the birthday messages, I did have plans but unfortunately I’ve been ill so have had to give them a miss, I’m just disappointed my family didn’t even send a message to me on my birthday, I’m not sure how a mum can not message her daughter on her birthday? I don’t get that. My children have additional needs so friendships haven’t been easy at all, my children were never invited to parties or on play dates like other children and I collected them early because my daughter couldn’t be collected at the usual time so didn’t see or speak to the other parents, friendships at the school gates weren’t a thing for me unfortunately. My ex always contacts me first I never reach out to him. He has asked to come down and stay here and I’ve ignored him on that one but I hate that my kids have no one no extended family no grandparents aunties uncles it’s not fair on them.